Unbelievable!

Today is 28 Dec 2020.

On 25 Dec 2020, I did not received any WhatsApp from my ‘BFF’ the whole day.

Thought maybe she was busy as it was Christmas Day.

The next day, also no text from her.

I felt “dejected”.  Three days in a row, no “news” from her.

Straight away I knew she decided to stop forwarding the daily devotional to me.

I felt sort of “out of place” and keep thinking why she did that to me.

I was dumb founded.

I couldn’t recall doing or saying anything that offended her recently!

I have always treated her as nice as I can but but she just treated me like a “feather”.

Just felt that if she is in good mood, she will smile to her, talks to me.

If she is moody or feels irritated, she would just ignore me, like in this case, me like a “feather” to her was blown away from her.

She never considers my feelings. She just totally ignored my feelings. She did not realised that she has “wounded” me with her doings!

Normally, she will forward me the daily devotional Everyday except on 1 or 2 occasions, she forgot to send.

The last time she WhatsApp me the daily devotional was on Christmas Eve, 24 Dec 2020 and I wished her blessed Christmas and happy new year.

From that day till this morning, no more devotional to me.

She just “cut-off” me from her WhatsApp since Christmas Day.

I could have ask her why but I did not as I think she may have her reasons for doing so.

No point asking and I don’t think it helps.

Of course, I felt upset but there is nothing which I can do.

I told myself that no matter what, I still have to maintain the relationship with her; not friendship which she has given up but working relationships as we still need to liaise with each other for work concerns.

This morning in office, I still said hello to her.  Yes I have to even if I dun feel like it. (have to be thick skin).

Anyway I still have to face her in the office and I can’t ignore her totally.

I really felt very innocent and I am!

For some unknown reasons, I have became her “victim”.

Why not me?

It may take some time for me to get over this incident.  I am not like her, suka suka just “kick” me away and then forgets about everything.

The reason being that right in the beginning of this friendship, I have put in too much 感情 into it all at once.

SIGH...

She didn’t realise that all along when things happened between us, I have been very patient with her and tolerated her nonsense.

I am not sure if she “feels” anything at all be it upset, or what not or it’s just her mood swings’ fault?

Maybe, maybe I am at fault also but didn’t realise it??

Unforgettable

 Felt that my  “BFF” has changed her attitude towards me over these many months, almost a year from our last ‘eventful’ trip together.

She didn’t apologise which I think she would not as she AI MIEN ZI. I know that.

I just pretend nothing happened though my mind is in an “emotional whirlpool”.

I kept thinking or rather that unhappy incident kept flashing in my mind for many months.

I was the innocent party in this incident but she won’t let me explain.

Two weeks ago, she bought me a quick lunch 2 days before my birthday and we didn’t talked much during the lunch. (*)

I did not feel “secured” during the lunch.  

Immediately after we finished the lunch, she rushed back to office while I did some window shopping on my own.

She needed to go back office quickly to set up for some meeting.

(*) Since few years ago, we used to lunch together on a regular weekly basis until on my last year’s birthday lunch, she pointed out to me that she’s always the one talking and most times I just kept quiet.

I think she wanted to say she was talking to “the wall” maybe.

It’s not that I do not want to talk but I am just an introvert not knowing how to express myself.

After that lunch, we stopped going lunch together.

She should have been more understanding towards me.  We have had lunch together for a few years already.

I am upset that she misunderstood me but I kept quiet.

Lately I felt that she is ‘cold’ towards me, just like this afternoon we bumped into each other in the pantry and we just say hello.

Unlike previously she will make small talk.

I can feel that I am emotional towards her though she may have “given up” on me.

It’s because right in the beginning I have put in too much affections into our friendship thinking we would be “forever” friends like what J always thought we were.

I know she can very  绝 one but I am the one still hoping things would get better but chances are very Low.

Sigh...

I must learn to let go.  I have been dragging on for too Long.

To be honest, in the early part of our friendship, she treated me very nice and I was touched.

Ya, I was nice to her too.

I always treated her as a priority, only to find out later on that I am just one of her options.  Sad :(

Somehow along the way over the past few years, things happened. She was unhappy and told me off over some minor matters which I just let her be. I just don’t want to make things worse if I argue.

Only she can talk when she is pissed off...no one else can...maybe her BFF can.