Life

Was feeling frustrated this morning and I vented some of it on my mum; thought its more of a complaint rather than venting my frustration or maybe a mixture of both.

I felt bad after I did that to my mum.  I know I shouldn't have but already done it.  Hope this won't happen again.

Since I have agreed to pay for the trip for the family, I shouldn't have any regrets or frustrations.  The reason why I am 'pek chek' is because of accumulating pent-ups like anger and frustrations. Sometimes felt that my bro should concentrate more of his work than 'play' and be more worried about the bacon he could bought home for the family rather than spending time pursuing his hobbies (just think that he is not worried about the living expenses; well he is still young - if one job is not enough to sustain the household expenses; he should take up another part time job to complement the income but he takes it easy). That's where I am worried.

Maybe my worries is uncalled for.  Sigh....

Come on, I think I just have to let go; I can't be putting my set of thinking on my bro's head.
Why not be happy rather than 'moo-moo' ? Life still has to go on.

Remembered I read somewhere in a finance blog : "We do not live to eat and make money.  We eat and make money to be able to live. This is what life means and what life is for."

Well that's quite true !

Trip planning results

Supposed to feel happy as our family is planning to go for a short trip in Malaysia in a week's time.  Somewhere things happen in the process of booking the trip and I was unhappy and frustrated about it.
I even threw temper at my bro who is the one incharge of planning the trip and me is the one who will pay for the trip.

Actually him and me - both are easily hot headed.  Not sure why the more I try to be patient and peaceful the more I get easily irrritated and angry.

Just this morning we had some arguments over the hotel online booking system. It is a small matter and don't know I just can't control my temper.  My mum who is sitting nearby us kept looking at the both of us (she doesn't understand english). 

Well since we have decided to go on a family trip, why not be prepared to be happy and looking forward to the trip rather than keep fuming over the small details ?

That's my character - easily agitated - perhaps is due to my health condition. Then the more I should not get easily agitated and angry and throw temper.  Alright man I mean gal !

Come on cheer up, ok.

Money ?

Well, have been approached recently by a close relative for some loans.  I have lent him monies previously - quite a number of times.  He kept saying he will pay me on a certain date but NEVER.

Always feel difficult to turn him down but today I have turned him down completely.  I told him 'sorry I am unable to help you' though he promised that this is the real last time; his wife is pregnant and he will turn over a new leaf. He knew what he has done in the past was wrong etc. He will work hard and return me the monies he borrowed.

But I don't really believe in what he said.  He always made empty promises and has not learnt his lessons.  This time round I turned him down flatly.  After a while I felt a bit uneasy thinking what if this time what he said is for real.  He really needs the money to settle some urgent debts.  But why does he involved himself in all these debts in the first place and what exactly are these debts for ?

I would like to help him but I have done so many times in the past and after lending him the monies, I felt myself like a fool falling into his 'traps' (always full of excuses).

Sigh.......he has told lies and made empty promises in the past and now if its really for REAL, no one is going to believe in him.  Quite sad right ?  Just hoping he will find his own way out of this 'crisis' and really learnt a lesson from it; and be more sensible and responsible towards life.  Not sure why he has landed himself in such a plight !

Sigh again. Well I must be firm though I have the capability to help him but is it worthwhile in a sense ?

Not sure........

'Mistakes'

I made a clumsy mistake recently.   Supposed to give a friend some wedding gift.  Happened to chance upon a gift which I thought was very approriate and bought it without second thought.

A week later, felt that the gift should be something better in terms of price and thought of exchanging it for something dearer but again on second thought, felt this gift was good enough.

Until, today, after sending off the gift - regretted that I should have given an 'ang pow' instead.  Not sure why I bought a gift and was the only one who bought the gift to the church wedding this morning.

Hope the new couple do not misunderstand my intention.  Its 'li qing qin yi zhong'.

I really gave them my best blessings.

Still felt that I have done something silly or rather stupid. 

New experience

Hi, my friend 'JW' asked me sometime ago to participate in the Big walk.  I readily agreed without second thought.  The event was held yesterday.

We went together.  JW is always walking ahead of me - managed to catch up most of the times. (Not bad ah - Me).

It was a new experience for me - first time in my life joining the Big walk - its not too bad after all. Have enjoyed it.  Was very tired when I reached home.  Well, anyway, I have done something I have never done before.

Its a good try, good experience.  Hooray !

Now then realised that I have missed out lots of things and fun when I was younger - have wasted a lot of time - I could have done better in many aspects if I am thoughtful enough in my younger days - perhaps I was not so matured in thinking then - anyway its not too late to start now doing the things I like and  I wish I have done so,  now.

Yes, I read somewhere - do not live in the past but in the present. Enjoy the present, be joyful.

Yep, must learn to be joyful and peaceful.

Not happy..

Have been feeling down for the past few days - at work and at home.

At work; always get bugged by my left hand side neighbour - can felt that I am a bit hostile towards her - maybe it could be due to the past issue (still harbouring bittnerness on my part).

Always tell myself to forgive and forget - not sure why whenever this neighbour talks to me; I would feel irritated.  Well, where's my gentleness ?

On the other hand, at home - felt that I no longer have privacy and quietness since the 'intruders' came to stay in my house.  Wondering when they are going to move out of my house - looks like it would never happen.  Not sure what's the 'man of the house' is thinking - to me he always laze around - money not enough - but does not care to look for part-time jobs - to me he is dependent on this household; on his so called wife..........  You know I am very 'sian'. I don't feel happy at all.
I want to have my privacy and my house back to ME.

Siiiiiiiiiiiigh.  And then there's this mum of the 'man of the house' - only know how to comment on the 'wife' and always side the 'husband'.

Come on, brace up - think I got to change and not wait for others to change inorder to be myself to enjoy peace and everything I am entitled to.

Yes, now then I realised that ...Life really sucks !