Its Chinese New Year again !
I do not know why - but I just have no new year mood...............am I bored ? or am I pathetic ?
or am I old ?
CNY to me is just another ordinary day except that we have more time to rest, to eat, to laze around the house. At least for me, its like that.
Not like years ago, I would shop for new clothes, new shoes, new bag etc.........but now didn't even bother to prepare anything. Just let it be....
In fact, I don't feel happy at all during CNY but I didn't tell anyone.
Sidetrack a bit ----- have been thinking of my SA on and off recently......maybe I am stressed.....I would think of something nice to comfort myself and doing some 'silly things' to destress.
Sigh.......always wish I could know SA better and be with her .......wish that I could incidently be her grandma's god child or good friend.......SOME SILLY IMAGINATIONS ON MY PART.......(This is fiction, ok).
Have lots of 'personal backlogs' to clear......mostly brought forward from 2011. Have to clear it within the next 1-2 months. Can't delay any longer.
No matter how, I must live well, keep well and stay well.
Blessings.
Monday 23 January 2012
Saturday 14 January 2012
Family
Family: what is family ?
Family is all members of the house living under one roof; if living apart - should be contacting each other every now and then. Should gather together for meal regularly. Many many more ...............
Well my family - its small but then I feel that its not united. Each one has his or her own thinking own mindset hardly one time where everyone is unanimous. Take the reunion dinner for example, usually my youngest sis-in-law will go back to the neighbour country about 1 week before the CNY and always ask for early reunion dinner from our family. But my younger bro is always unable to meet it halfway. I find that he is just unacommodating. Its just to get everyone to sit down and have a meal together - what is so difficult ? I don't understand. He always doesn't want to give in.
Though I am not the one asking for early reunion dinner but with this kind of answer I would feel disappointed.
Like today, my mum asked my bro again to have early reunion dinner, he said the wife is unable to make it due to work ..... Yes, I know work is important but family should always comes first. Sigh................
Perhaps it because the 2 bros are not close enough. In fact the three of us are not close. (Sigh).
As we start to age, our thinking will become more and more matured, more and more understanding, more and more regrets that there were so much things we didn't do or never think of doing it. Isn't it a bit too late to realise all these facts of life ? maybe yes, maybe no. (For me, I felt that I haven't treated my late father good enough). I always wish time could be turned around; could go backwards and I should be able to do better than I had done it.
Well, we should all treasure our family members when they are near us when they are around !
Family is all members of the house living under one roof; if living apart - should be contacting each other every now and then. Should gather together for meal regularly. Many many more ...............
Well my family - its small but then I feel that its not united. Each one has his or her own thinking own mindset hardly one time where everyone is unanimous. Take the reunion dinner for example, usually my youngest sis-in-law will go back to the neighbour country about 1 week before the CNY and always ask for early reunion dinner from our family. But my younger bro is always unable to meet it halfway. I find that he is just unacommodating. Its just to get everyone to sit down and have a meal together - what is so difficult ? I don't understand. He always doesn't want to give in.
Though I am not the one asking for early reunion dinner but with this kind of answer I would feel disappointed.
Like today, my mum asked my bro again to have early reunion dinner, he said the wife is unable to make it due to work ..... Yes, I know work is important but family should always comes first. Sigh................
Perhaps it because the 2 bros are not close enough. In fact the three of us are not close. (Sigh).
As we start to age, our thinking will become more and more matured, more and more understanding, more and more regrets that there were so much things we didn't do or never think of doing it. Isn't it a bit too late to realise all these facts of life ? maybe yes, maybe no. (For me, I felt that I haven't treated my late father good enough). I always wish time could be turned around; could go backwards and I should be able to do better than I had done it.
Well, we should all treasure our family members when they are near us when they are around !
Tuesday 3 January 2012
'Pent-up' emotions...
Uhhhhhhh.............................
For the past week or so until today, always feel like 'screaming my head off'. Really felt very frustrated - the more I think about it, running the scenarios inside my brain - I really feel like screaming my head off and wish I could do a bungy jump from the top of MBS down to the ground. That way, maybe all my pent-up emotions will be blown away.
Why am I in this 'mode' or rather this mood. Well the more I think about my lost privacy in this home this house, the more I felt 'short changed' by my bro. I have slogged half of my life working hard, saving money, and at the end of the day managed to so-called owned a flat. Now, my bro and his family is staying in my house 'half free' and my flat is over-crowded overnight.
I have no more a bedroom to myself (so miserable) and after sometime praying that they will move out soon. Yes, they did mention about moving out about a year ago (after staying for around one and half year) but then changed their mind and carrying on staying here.
Nowadays whenever I thought about how in the past - I have a bedroom to myself and my mum also has a room to herself. Life could be better for the both of us until they moved in and looked like 'shi lai ze bu ju'. The way I see my bro - hanging onto his 'unstable income n flexible' job - didn't bother much to look for part time jobs to contribute to the household expenses. Not sure what's his mindset. If he had 20 years ago - stick to a stable income job - by now he could have own a flat/house and feed his own family good enough. Have thought of telling him off but he's a big man now, old enough to be sensible. If, I say if I am strong enough - would have given him a good punch to wake him up to face the reality face the world.
Now whenever I came home from work, I will see the floor messy, the table messy, my bed messy (with all the washed clothes lying there) - really an 'eyesore'. Its been a long time (3 years) since I last saw my house spick and span. Sigh.............when can this scene appears again...........when will all these people move out from my house for GOOD ???
Another thing, I dread to come home everytime after work. Wish I have all the energy to work 24 hours without resting, sleeping, eating. Yes, wish soooooooooooooo.
Well, its just the 3rd day of the New Year - wish my wish (the one that they will move out for good) will come true soon. (Not the wish that I could work 24 hrs).
Cheers, baby, no matter what or how, you (I) still need to face up to all happenings in the house, right ?
Be positive, be of good cheers, forget about all the unhappiness+ frustrations+emotionales+ (-)................................................................................................
For the past week or so until today, always feel like 'screaming my head off'. Really felt very frustrated - the more I think about it, running the scenarios inside my brain - I really feel like screaming my head off and wish I could do a bungy jump from the top of MBS down to the ground. That way, maybe all my pent-up emotions will be blown away.
Why am I in this 'mode' or rather this mood. Well the more I think about my lost privacy in this home this house, the more I felt 'short changed' by my bro. I have slogged half of my life working hard, saving money, and at the end of the day managed to so-called owned a flat. Now, my bro and his family is staying in my house 'half free' and my flat is over-crowded overnight.
I have no more a bedroom to myself (so miserable) and after sometime praying that they will move out soon. Yes, they did mention about moving out about a year ago (after staying for around one and half year) but then changed their mind and carrying on staying here.
Nowadays whenever I thought about how in the past - I have a bedroom to myself and my mum also has a room to herself. Life could be better for the both of us until they moved in and looked like 'shi lai ze bu ju'. The way I see my bro - hanging onto his 'unstable income n flexible' job - didn't bother much to look for part time jobs to contribute to the household expenses. Not sure what's his mindset. If he had 20 years ago - stick to a stable income job - by now he could have own a flat/house and feed his own family good enough. Have thought of telling him off but he's a big man now, old enough to be sensible. If, I say if I am strong enough - would have given him a good punch to wake him up to face the reality face the world.
Now whenever I came home from work, I will see the floor messy, the table messy, my bed messy (with all the washed clothes lying there) - really an 'eyesore'. Its been a long time (3 years) since I last saw my house spick and span. Sigh.............when can this scene appears again...........when will all these people move out from my house for GOOD ???
Another thing, I dread to come home everytime after work. Wish I have all the energy to work 24 hours without resting, sleeping, eating. Yes, wish soooooooooooooo.
Well, its just the 3rd day of the New Year - wish my wish (the one that they will move out for good) will come true soon. (Not the wish that I could work 24 hrs).
Cheers, baby, no matter what or how, you (I) still need to face up to all happenings in the house, right ?
Be positive, be of good cheers, forget about all the unhappiness+ frustrations+emotionales+ (-)................................................................................................
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