Moo Moo Day

Feeling moo moo today - not sure why ? Maybe few things have happened - some money problems.
Why I have to bear responsibility for others' misgivings or poor financial planning ? why ?

When I keep thinking of all these; I feel frustrated, irritated and becoming 'hot'. Felt like yelling and screaming but not in this house or rather in this cramped house. The more I think the more I feel frustrated.  Siiiiiiiiiiiiigh.

Yes, its a weekend - its a saturday - but I just can't do the things I like - its my house but I'm like staying under people's roof !

So pathetic right.  Maybe not.  Should not feel it this way.  The more I feel it that way the more I will become one.  Have to be, need to be, must be, POSITIVE and life must get on.

Maybe I am too soft hearted, too timid ? No, I'm just trying to be kind to be generous but how do people treat me or whatever. 

Hey, its Christmas Eve today - so have to be joyful and peaceful, at least with myself - do not bother about what other ppl do or say.  That's their business. I can't be mining so much business even if I am very capable. Right ? Hmm - YES M'am.

Ah.............................................

How I wish I could drive and now I would go round driving away all my frustrations and boredom.

There were so much things or rather skills which I didn't learn when I was younger...........and now I really regret and there is no do-over. No.

Only if I could ride a bicyle, swim or drive or cook then maybe I won't be feeling so bored so idle ......

Relative's problems; my problems ?

My close relative wanted to get a loan from me again; just slightly more than a month ago than the previous time.

Sure, I was annoyed and ignored her sms. Two days later, she text me to ask if I receive her earlier text.
I replied to her quite unpleasantly but agreed to lend her the money provided she really return me. (I am soft hearted in a sense). She said she and her family has BIG problems and they are going to sell their flat !

She mentioned she will return me the loan after the transaction and really appreciated my help.
Hope that she is sincere in saying those words and not just empty promises. (Actually all along I have not really believed in the stories she told me why she needed money BUT I still lend to her). SIGH ..

At home, my 'in-house' relative also has financial problems - why so many problems - though not my problems directly but they really weigh me down; disturb my emotions; feeling down.....like tonight I really feel very moo moo.  Sigh - why do I have so many of this kind of relatives - always broke - always owing ppl money ! why ?

Really 'peck-chieck'.

Back to my own self; have been thinking of my sweet angel again - just can't forget her as hard as I tried. Whenever I passed by her office building; I wish I could bump into her but I didn't. Am I crazy ?

Have also been thinking alot of the past (my life in 1-2 decades ago) - how I have let go lots of 'golden' opportunities - how I just let the chances slipped away -  really have lots of regrets and thoughts ! Why again ?  How much I wish time could be turned backwards and I could have those chances; opportunities again and I would have cling to them and hug them !

Me really really reg_ _ _ .  Wish to get over all these past events and start life afresh. :-)

My Day

I have done something 'stupid' today.  I really regretted it and hope that the person involved would be forgiving towards me and I think she will.

I might have hurt her by saying those words. She is my elder but I was kind of rude to her by saying those words to her.  She meant well and concerned by buying a cake for my birthday but somehow I told her off.  I felt bad after this incident.  Hope she will forgive me my rudeness.

Well, she has treated her family and close relatives well but how about me ?

I felt so embarassed for myself ! I am not thankful though I have been reading about thankfulness almost daily.

I am such a jerk ...believe me.

Holidays

Just returned from a few days trip (with my family) to our neighbour country.

Didn't really enjoy the trip because I felt that I don't click with some people. I said to myself that I am not going out with them again.

Have spent quite a sum of money on transport and accommodation for everyone 'being forced' to pay.  Was not happy with it in the beginning but began to 'cool off' eventually.

By right, going on holidays should enjoy one self but I don't really.  Maybe I am petty or maybe I really don't enjoyed 'some ppl' company.

Sigh.............

Hope I could go on trips which I really enjoy myself. Wish I dare to travel alone !