Of late, I felt that I am being 'work abuse' by my bosses. Right, there are nice bosses around but there are also the not so nice ones and the selfish ones.
Why do I say that ? This is not the first time this kind of things happened to me. I regret that I didn't stop it from happening in the beginning. Yes, all because I am a 'yes' person - everything also yes, also can (without considering the pros and cons).
In the end, I just stressed up myself (well, I am a very easily 'stressed' person).
What this boss has asked me to do is an 'uneasy and unpleasant' task. It would be much easier if he could do it on his own but he has landed the 'job' on me. I am in a 'complex' situation now.
SIGH !!!
(sorry I can't specify what 'task' is this because there might be people reading my blog and one of them could be my this boss and he would know its me)!
And then there is another boss who would ask me to do things not only for him but also for everyone else - Sigh again but this task is considered easier than the earlier one though its cumbersome and time consuming.
Well, life is not to feel miserable anyway - that's what I read in Arvind's blog.
Must learn to be positive and optimistic - that's what I am lacking in - will bucked up ! YES Man !
Yes, tomorrow will be better :)
Tuesday, 15 January 2013
Tuesday, 1 January 2013
Difference in living
Today is the first day of New Year 2013.
Happy and Wonderful New Year ! (hopefully it will be).
I recalled some of my past year's experiences:
Ever since 'these people' moved into my house; I hardly had a day on my own (that means alone at home). Even on weekends when I was not working and on public holidays when I were at home, it does not feel the same anymore (compared to when I was living with my parents and then alone on my own for a short period).
I have lost my privacy in the house - even when I was in my bedroom alone; 'people' just walked in and out of my room freely - yea, I should have set some house rules in the very beginning when 'these people' moved into my house. Though I am quite an 'easy' person; but still need my privacy. Thinking when AND WHEN would I have my privacy back - that feelings really SUCKS.
Prayed that with the New Year, I would have more happiness, more braveness, more healthiness, more peacefulness, more cheerfulness to live my life...
Happy and Wonderful New Year ! (hopefully it will be).
I recalled some of my past year's experiences:
Ever since 'these people' moved into my house; I hardly had a day on my own (that means alone at home). Even on weekends when I was not working and on public holidays when I were at home, it does not feel the same anymore (compared to when I was living with my parents and then alone on my own for a short period).
I have lost my privacy in the house - even when I was in my bedroom alone; 'people' just walked in and out of my room freely - yea, I should have set some house rules in the very beginning when 'these people' moved into my house. Though I am quite an 'easy' person; but still need my privacy. Thinking when AND WHEN would I have my privacy back - that feelings really SUCKS.
Prayed that with the New Year, I would have more happiness, more braveness, more healthiness, more peacefulness, more cheerfulness to live my life...
Saturday, 22 December 2012
Reflections
Its Christmas time. How time flies...
Remembered someone told me some months ago that she is not going to buy gifts for someone during this Christmas season. I took her words for real because she has valid reasons for doing so.
Until yesterday, then I realised I was wrong...I simply believed her words for it and there she is -giving that someone a gift. I was not angry but 'surprise' and felt that I just take people's words for granted. I just trust her too easily. Felt like I am 'being conned' emotionally.
Human beings may change as and when they like it. So what's something which she had said she would not be doing many months ago and now she is going back on her own words hmm.
Perhaps during these recent months, their friendship has 'increased' without my knowledge. Well I also do not wish to interfere with others' affairs - what they want to do; what they want to say.
The lesson I have learnt: Do not believe 100 percent in what people said (unless that person is v. close to you) - even so, they can change their minds any time they want any time they like.
Do not be other people's 'victim' in any situation. Must be careful !
I just find that I am 'gullible' at most times - remembered someone told me that many years ago and she was the one who has made me 'gullible' to believe in everything she has done. I was full of regrets after that ! I lost my trust in her anyway.
Life is SIMPLE, its just not easy.
Remembered someone told me some months ago that she is not going to buy gifts for someone during this Christmas season. I took her words for real because she has valid reasons for doing so.
Until yesterday, then I realised I was wrong...I simply believed her words for it and there she is -giving that someone a gift. I was not angry but 'surprise' and felt that I just take people's words for granted. I just trust her too easily. Felt like I am 'being conned' emotionally.
Human beings may change as and when they like it. So what's something which she had said she would not be doing many months ago and now she is going back on her own words hmm.
Perhaps during these recent months, their friendship has 'increased' without my knowledge. Well I also do not wish to interfere with others' affairs - what they want to do; what they want to say.
The lesson I have learnt: Do not believe 100 percent in what people said (unless that person is v. close to you) - even so, they can change their minds any time they want any time they like.
Do not be other people's 'victim' in any situation. Must be careful !
I just find that I am 'gullible' at most times - remembered someone told me that many years ago and she was the one who has made me 'gullible' to believe in everything she has done. I was full of regrets after that ! I lost my trust in her anyway.
Life is SIMPLE, its just not easy.
Sunday, 14 October 2012
After thoughts...
I have plenty of after thoughts, especially after an incident that happened today.
You know - those people around me (whether they are my siblings, in-laws, my relatives and even colleagues) are up to no good (do not mean that I am good enough) as I felt that they are always taking advantage of me - be it money be it favours or just some little help. After they have gotten their 'wants', they would treat me like invisible or just simply ignore my presence around them !
What do you think if it happens on you - you will be hopping mad; you will be angry or you will feel 'indignant' inside your heart and even regretted that you had helped them before - yah that's how I felt ! I don't think I am being petty or expect them to return me the favours I have done to them. I never ask anything from them except that they should be appreciative of what I have done for them and not forgotten about me when they are in 'good health'.
WHAT do these people take me for ? a 'goon-do' or just because I kept quiet then they start to so called 'bully me'. Maybe to them, its no big deal but I am a emotional person and that may be the reason why I felt it that way.
Tell you what ... I am getting sick of these people - really sick and especially when these people happen to be your so called family members - you will feel hurt and upset. (You just have to let go if not how). They really cannot be depended upon when you need them need their help. Its best that you can just depend on yourself.
Yah, I have told myself many many times - to be positive - to 'close one eye' - just do not bother with what they do but I can't control my emotions. SIGH..........
Now, I will side-track a bit :
I had a dream last night - guess what's is it ? I dreamt that I am getting married to an aquaintance and the best part of it is that WE ARE SO MANY YEARS IN DIFFERENCE and in real life its really impossible that the 2 of us will be together.
Just wondering if this aquaintance has the same dream as me... HA HA.
You know - those people around me (whether they are my siblings, in-laws, my relatives and even colleagues) are up to no good (do not mean that I am good enough) as I felt that they are always taking advantage of me - be it money be it favours or just some little help. After they have gotten their 'wants', they would treat me like invisible or just simply ignore my presence around them !
What do you think if it happens on you - you will be hopping mad; you will be angry or you will feel 'indignant' inside your heart and even regretted that you had helped them before - yah that's how I felt ! I don't think I am being petty or expect them to return me the favours I have done to them. I never ask anything from them except that they should be appreciative of what I have done for them and not forgotten about me when they are in 'good health'.
WHAT do these people take me for ? a 'goon-do' or just because I kept quiet then they start to so called 'bully me'. Maybe to them, its no big deal but I am a emotional person and that may be the reason why I felt it that way.
Tell you what ... I am getting sick of these people - really sick and especially when these people happen to be your so called family members - you will feel hurt and upset. (You just have to let go if not how). They really cannot be depended upon when you need them need their help. Its best that you can just depend on yourself.
Yah, I have told myself many many times - to be positive - to 'close one eye' - just do not bother with what they do but I can't control my emotions. SIGH..........
Now, I will side-track a bit :
I had a dream last night - guess what's is it ? I dreamt that I am getting married to an aquaintance and the best part of it is that WE ARE SO MANY YEARS IN DIFFERENCE and in real life its really impossible that the 2 of us will be together.
Just wondering if this aquaintance has the same dream as me... HA HA.
Thursday, 11 October 2012
Stressss
Of late, me is not feeling happy at work because of some work stress and also of one person (enemy).
I have this one 'enemy' at work - it just irritates me whenever I hear its voice and it appearing in front of me. Not sure why am I like this ? I just felt that the 2 of us are always at 'loggerheads' (emotionally) - dun know how its feelings ?
Perhaps I am too sensitive to whatevever it does or says or acts. I can't control it anyway - why made myself upset over it and it will take a few days for me to let go. Am I still clinging to the old incident between us ? or because I felt being 'slammed' by its actions.
Ya, why should I bother about everything it does; why can't I make peace with itself or myself ?
..............sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..............
I have contemplated about resigning from work to avoid it - but am I silly just to resign to run away from it when it has no more concerns about me ? and I will be sacrificing my current job for nothing. I just feel that if, if I resign, I wouldn't be able to get the pay I get now from elsewhere - as I have been in this comfort zone for too long (I guess) - HOW ?
Yes, I can't - must not quit on IMPULSE as I need to 'put food on the table' for my family ! that's how !
Come on relax lah, ok ? Ya Yes Yes Yes YES !
I have this one 'enemy' at work - it just irritates me whenever I hear its voice and it appearing in front of me. Not sure why am I like this ? I just felt that the 2 of us are always at 'loggerheads' (emotionally) - dun know how its feelings ?
Perhaps I am too sensitive to whatevever it does or says or acts. I can't control it anyway - why made myself upset over it and it will take a few days for me to let go. Am I still clinging to the old incident between us ? or because I felt being 'slammed' by its actions.
Ya, why should I bother about everything it does; why can't I make peace with itself or myself ?
..............sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..............
I have contemplated about resigning from work to avoid it - but am I silly just to resign to run away from it when it has no more concerns about me ? and I will be sacrificing my current job for nothing. I just feel that if, if I resign, I wouldn't be able to get the pay I get now from elsewhere - as I have been in this comfort zone for too long (I guess) - HOW ?
Yes, I can't - must not quit on IMPULSE as I need to 'put food on the table' for my family ! that's how !
Come on relax lah, ok ? Ya Yes Yes Yes YES !
Saturday, 29 September 2012
My niece and her Grandma
I scolded my youngest niece (the most 'headache' one) again last evening - really cannot 'ta-han' her attitude.
Felt that she is just too lazy to study and do homework - always watch TV and playing. She is v. stubborn too.
Well, after a 'hard lashing', I felt very 'hot' and when simmered down, I felt that I have been too harsh to her - a 8 yr old! Really don't know what to do with her - doesn't want to do her homework but wants to play computer. That's what puts me 'throwing the pan off'.
Then, there's my mum - sometimes also v. stubborn. Sometimes I find that she is double-standard when she treats her D-I-Ls. I have to 'close one eye' at times. Not sure what's wrong with her, still cannot forgive the younger D-I-L ? Its been so many years !!! Still cannot let go. SIGH.
Just imagine a 70s+ grandma - still behave like a child - sometime so nice and sometime so petty and a little unreasonable. Is that my mum ? Cannot imagine her saying some 'crude' words behind her DIL's back =-0
Me - her child - also feel bad about what she said - how come she's like that ?
No matter what - I still feel that she is biased ! I would not like to judge her but can't help it..... I am just a human bean.
You know something - I had a bad dream about her last nite - vividly remembered the worst thing she could have done. Goodness me, its just a dream !
I don't know why, why my family members are all one of many kinds. Only if I could chose my family members ;-) Am I selfish to say that ? or am I crazy ?
How nice it would be if everyone in my family can get along well with each other and have more bonding time together. Wonder if any of my siblings or family members have ever come across this thought ?
Yea, THIS IS LIFE - its made up of many beautiful and ugly things, simple and complex things, happy and unhappy events and so on and so forth...............
At this point of time, I really envy one of my friends who is staying alone (her parents has passed on and she is single). Her living is so carefree - no one to stand in her way - she can sleep whole day for who cares or she could just travels as and when she is free. Enough of saying - perhaps she is lonely - who knows ? right ?
Felt that she is just too lazy to study and do homework - always watch TV and playing. She is v. stubborn too.
Well, after a 'hard lashing', I felt very 'hot' and when simmered down, I felt that I have been too harsh to her - a 8 yr old! Really don't know what to do with her - doesn't want to do her homework but wants to play computer. That's what puts me 'throwing the pan off'.
Then, there's my mum - sometimes also v. stubborn. Sometimes I find that she is double-standard when she treats her D-I-Ls. I have to 'close one eye' at times. Not sure what's wrong with her, still cannot forgive the younger D-I-L ? Its been so many years !!! Still cannot let go. SIGH.
Just imagine a 70s+ grandma - still behave like a child - sometime so nice and sometime so petty and a little unreasonable. Is that my mum ? Cannot imagine her saying some 'crude' words behind her DIL's back =-0
Me - her child - also feel bad about what she said - how come she's like that ?
No matter what - I still feel that she is biased ! I would not like to judge her but can't help it..... I am just a human bean.
You know something - I had a bad dream about her last nite - vividly remembered the worst thing she could have done. Goodness me, its just a dream !
I don't know why, why my family members are all one of many kinds. Only if I could chose my family members ;-) Am I selfish to say that ? or am I crazy ?
How nice it would be if everyone in my family can get along well with each other and have more bonding time together. Wonder if any of my siblings or family members have ever come across this thought ?
Yea, THIS IS LIFE - its made up of many beautiful and ugly things, simple and complex things, happy and unhappy events and so on and so forth...............
At this point of time, I really envy one of my friends who is staying alone (her parents has passed on and she is single). Her living is so carefree - no one to stand in her way - she can sleep whole day for who cares or she could just travels as and when she is free. Enough of saying - perhaps she is lonely - who knows ? right ?
Sunday, 23 September 2012
Some 'feelings'
Some feelings (what's the appropriate phrase to use ? it just didn't popped up in my brain).
Have not been writing on my blog for about a month.I was in hospital early this week for some health problems - at last it was 'settled' through minor surgery and the 'big stone' dropped off from my chest smoothly. What a relief ! God has been
Praise The Lord !
On the night before I went to hospital, I was unhappy with my S-I-L who told my mum that she could fetch me but not long later she changed her mind and asked my bro to fetch me (as told by the helper). Ya, I know, I am just the least important person in her life. Her friends are her 'everything'. I asked myself - I have been treating quite well and she just can't do me this little favour (its my mum who asked her to fetch me to hospital). I am 'pissed' off - you know !
Well at least I know inside my heart who is good or bad to me - yes I knew it.
I personally do not like to owe people favours - hardly asked people (be it my family members, my friends, my colleagues) for favours.
I know - most of my family members are very 'xian shi'. To put it in another way, most of the times they only call me when they need financial help from me - I am their 'gold mine'.
Sigh - I always like to use/say it when life sucks. LIFE is short - must learn to make myself happy everyday and smile.
(Side-track a bit) I was quite excited this morning because I am going to meet my Sweet Angel in the afternoon. Today we have some small talks. We get to know each other a little more. She is always so sweet and gentle - I am fond of her but she will never know about my feelings.
No imaginations please !
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