Brought my 2 nieces (age 8 and 10) to watch movie this afternoon. It seemed the timing was not right - one of them is keen to go and the other don't feel like going. In the end, managed to bring them all out including their grandma and the helper.
After the show, we met up with our middle aged close relative and had some snacks together in a fast food chain.
After that, as we are doing window-shopping; my nieces, one after another hurried us to go home and they showed us their 'black face'.
Well, I didn't said much to them about their ill manner but inside my heart, I told myself : this may be the last time I brought them out. Today they have spoilt my mood and day. Here I am trying to treat them to a movie and this is what I got. I didn't enjoy myself afterall.
In future, I better go for movie on my own - alone - can enjoy the show more. Yes, I have tried it before about a year ago at my this age ! (Should have tried and done it many many years ago).
I found these 2 little rascals are getting rude and ruder not only to the helper, to their grandma and also to me. Perhaps I guessed it got much to do with their upbringing; I guess their parents seldom teach them the way of life. They were not at all home most of the time (out to work and sometimes stay out late) and left the kids with the helper ! (Sigh).
Wednesday, 13 June 2012
Sunday, 6 May 2012
Admiring - false hope
Have not been writing on the blog for a few months.
Recently I have been admiring a 'young person' whom I wish that we could be friends. I have been watching this person from a distance; can't help myself to take a few good looks at and wished for the 'impossible' to happen.
I am thinking too full of myself that this person would be interested in me where there is at least more than a decade of age gap between us. If this happened 10-20 years ago, I might have pluck up my courage to make the first move but not now....
Well I am day-dreaming; there are lots of younger and better looking people around and why would this person have chosen me (an older person). I think my attraction for love have come a bit too late. Well since I have chosen not to marry/be single decades ago; why I still hang on to some hope that maybe I would find my the other half somewhere 'magically'.
You know something ? I regretted for not settling down when I was much younger and have had many choices then. (I have not tell anyone about it yet and do not think I will do it). Now whenever I see couples walking hand in hand; talking and looking at each other sweetly, I wish I am one of them. Sigh...........isn't it too late to talk about this topic now.
PS: I have been thinking of the 'Sweet Angel' again lately (imagining her sweet and warm voice as I just couldn't remember her looks though I know she is pretty - at least in my heart) whenever I couldn't get to sleep and feeling lonely. Wondering how she is getting on...the last time I met her - she looked different from the first time we met. The 'Sweet Angel' is also one of my disappointed admiration. I'd better stop thinking of her lest she found out; but it wouldn't happen as I will not be telling her of my 'feelings' and she would never know.
Recently I have been admiring a 'young person' whom I wish that we could be friends. I have been watching this person from a distance; can't help myself to take a few good looks at and wished for the 'impossible' to happen.
I am thinking too full of myself that this person would be interested in me where there is at least more than a decade of age gap between us. If this happened 10-20 years ago, I might have pluck up my courage to make the first move but not now....
Well I am day-dreaming; there are lots of younger and better looking people around and why would this person have chosen me (an older person). I think my attraction for love have come a bit too late. Well since I have chosen not to marry/be single decades ago; why I still hang on to some hope that maybe I would find my the other half somewhere 'magically'.
You know something ? I regretted for not settling down when I was much younger and have had many choices then. (I have not tell anyone about it yet and do not think I will do it). Now whenever I see couples walking hand in hand; talking and looking at each other sweetly, I wish I am one of them. Sigh...........isn't it too late to talk about this topic now.
PS: I have been thinking of the 'Sweet Angel' again lately (imagining her sweet and warm voice as I just couldn't remember her looks though I know she is pretty - at least in my heart) whenever I couldn't get to sleep and feeling lonely. Wondering how she is getting on...the last time I met her - she looked different from the first time we met. The 'Sweet Angel' is also one of my disappointed admiration. I'd better stop thinking of her lest she found out; but it wouldn't happen as I will not be telling her of my 'feelings' and she would never know.
Saturday, 18 February 2012
That's my life
Of late, I have been rather easily agitated, feeling frustrated and hot-temper. Maybe its due to work stress - have been very busy over the past 2-3 months. Maybe its due to family problems - not my direct problems though but I still feel stressed up and frustrated.
Sigh............
Like today and yesterday, because of something which my nieces have said and done and I don't like their kind of attitudes; I told them off. I have said a lot of unpleasant things (they may not understand what I said because indirectly I am scolding their parents). Veri bad of me, right ?
I can't believe myself - have told myself that I will not vent my anger on the wrong person but I still did.
Really regretted what I have done and said especially to my niece yesterday. Really. I have told myself before that I will not scream or shout at the children again but I did. Why can't I be loving and gentle towards my family members - towards my nieces - afterall they are still young - they will not understand my feelings, my concerns for them (expressed in the negative way).
Ya, must start to learn to be patient and loving towards them though they are naughty and playful at times. Not only towards them but to extend it to all my other family members as well.
Well, sometimes I was thinking - maybe I should resign from my current job - then I will have less problems less stress. But then again its not easy to find a 'good' job nowadays and the pay may not be as much as what I am having now since I have worked in this job for many years.
Just have to bear with it and it will pass. Anyway I cannot afford to be jobless else no one is going to support me. Maybe I should take 1-2 months leave to go on Sabbath.
Again, I have a few health problems to be solved. I think these are mostly due to STRESS just like what teacher B always say.
Yes, life is short - must take it one at a time - most important I should worry less and if possible not to worry as we do not know what will happen tomorrow - only God knows. Just take care of the things today will do. Must learn to relax when I supposed to relax (just like my colleagues - they are always making small talks, enjoying themselves away at work - like having no work to do). You know I am jealous of them at times.
Ok - tomorrow will be better ! YES ! Be happy, be loving, be gentle, be generous. ....and there's much more.
Sigh............
Like today and yesterday, because of something which my nieces have said and done and I don't like their kind of attitudes; I told them off. I have said a lot of unpleasant things (they may not understand what I said because indirectly I am scolding their parents). Veri bad of me, right ?
I can't believe myself - have told myself that I will not vent my anger on the wrong person but I still did.
Really regretted what I have done and said especially to my niece yesterday. Really. I have told myself before that I will not scream or shout at the children again but I did. Why can't I be loving and gentle towards my family members - towards my nieces - afterall they are still young - they will not understand my feelings, my concerns for them (expressed in the negative way).
Ya, must start to learn to be patient and loving towards them though they are naughty and playful at times. Not only towards them but to extend it to all my other family members as well.
Well, sometimes I was thinking - maybe I should resign from my current job - then I will have less problems less stress. But then again its not easy to find a 'good' job nowadays and the pay may not be as much as what I am having now since I have worked in this job for many years.
Just have to bear with it and it will pass. Anyway I cannot afford to be jobless else no one is going to support me. Maybe I should take 1-2 months leave to go on Sabbath.
Again, I have a few health problems to be solved. I think these are mostly due to STRESS just like what teacher B always say.
Yes, life is short - must take it one at a time - most important I should worry less and if possible not to worry as we do not know what will happen tomorrow - only God knows. Just take care of the things today will do. Must learn to relax when I supposed to relax (just like my colleagues - they are always making small talks, enjoying themselves away at work - like having no work to do). You know I am jealous of them at times.
Ok - tomorrow will be better ! YES ! Be happy, be loving, be gentle, be generous. ....and there's much more.
Wednesday, 1 February 2012
Dinner
Tonight we went out for family dinner. Agreed to share cost between the 3 of us.
Have been calculative over a few dollars - I mean ME. Don't understand why I did that infront of so many people. (I could have just forget about the few bucks). This is the first time I am so persistent over a few dollars just to be fair to everyone. Why always let my bro keep the change 'so naturally'? He has done that before. Maybe I just want to get 'revenge'. Or maybe I am stressed up due to heavy workload today.
Well, well........its just a small matter afterall. Why take it to heart. Since I have done it I shouldn't have any regrets, right ?
Hmm just be natural ok ? and things will go on as normal. Just treat what has happened a new experience.
Sigh, I have been overwhelmed with work today that I lost my 'cool' in office - banging the drawer, throw the keys into the box etc. Felt like a 'crazy woman' this morning. After all these happenings, felt so embarassed - such a mature person and yet I behave like that. No matter how I should not have lost my temper infront of my other colleagues. What a shame. I haven't been a good witness for the Lord. Felt so sorrie for Him and myself..........Yea I am not angry with my helper for taking mc but just feeling frustrated with the work and myself ! Not sure other people will get the wrong idea.
Anyway who cares ! Yes, that should be the way (I mean the phrase 'anyway who cares').
Be of good cheer - ME.
Have been calculative over a few dollars - I mean ME. Don't understand why I did that infront of so many people. (I could have just forget about the few bucks). This is the first time I am so persistent over a few dollars just to be fair to everyone. Why always let my bro keep the change 'so naturally'? He has done that before. Maybe I just want to get 'revenge'. Or maybe I am stressed up due to heavy workload today.
Well, well........its just a small matter afterall. Why take it to heart. Since I have done it I shouldn't have any regrets, right ?
Hmm just be natural ok ? and things will go on as normal. Just treat what has happened a new experience.
Sigh, I have been overwhelmed with work today that I lost my 'cool' in office - banging the drawer, throw the keys into the box etc. Felt like a 'crazy woman' this morning. After all these happenings, felt so embarassed - such a mature person and yet I behave like that. No matter how I should not have lost my temper infront of my other colleagues. What a shame. I haven't been a good witness for the Lord. Felt so sorrie for Him and myself..........Yea I am not angry with my helper for taking mc but just feeling frustrated with the work and myself ! Not sure other people will get the wrong idea.
Anyway who cares ! Yes, that should be the way (I mean the phrase 'anyway who cares').
Be of good cheer - ME.
Monday, 23 January 2012
CNY (Chinese New Year)
Its Chinese New Year again !
I do not know why - but I just have no new year mood...............am I bored ? or am I pathetic ?
or am I old ?
CNY to me is just another ordinary day except that we have more time to rest, to eat, to laze around the house. At least for me, its like that.
Not like years ago, I would shop for new clothes, new shoes, new bag etc.........but now didn't even bother to prepare anything. Just let it be....
In fact, I don't feel happy at all during CNY but I didn't tell anyone.
Sidetrack a bit ----- have been thinking of my SA on and off recently......maybe I am stressed.....I would think of something nice to comfort myself and doing some 'silly things' to destress.
Sigh.......always wish I could know SA better and be with her .......wish that I could incidently be her grandma's god child or good friend.......SOME SILLY IMAGINATIONS ON MY PART.......(This is fiction, ok).
Have lots of 'personal backlogs' to clear......mostly brought forward from 2011. Have to clear it within the next 1-2 months. Can't delay any longer.
No matter how, I must live well, keep well and stay well.
Blessings.
I do not know why - but I just have no new year mood...............am I bored ? or am I pathetic ?
or am I old ?
CNY to me is just another ordinary day except that we have more time to rest, to eat, to laze around the house. At least for me, its like that.
Not like years ago, I would shop for new clothes, new shoes, new bag etc.........but now didn't even bother to prepare anything. Just let it be....
In fact, I don't feel happy at all during CNY but I didn't tell anyone.
Sidetrack a bit ----- have been thinking of my SA on and off recently......maybe I am stressed.....I would think of something nice to comfort myself and doing some 'silly things' to destress.
Sigh.......always wish I could know SA better and be with her .......wish that I could incidently be her grandma's god child or good friend.......SOME SILLY IMAGINATIONS ON MY PART.......(This is fiction, ok).
Have lots of 'personal backlogs' to clear......mostly brought forward from 2011. Have to clear it within the next 1-2 months. Can't delay any longer.
No matter how, I must live well, keep well and stay well.
Blessings.
Saturday, 14 January 2012
Family
Family: what is family ?
Family is all members of the house living under one roof; if living apart - should be contacting each other every now and then. Should gather together for meal regularly. Many many more ...............
Well my family - its small but then I feel that its not united. Each one has his or her own thinking own mindset hardly one time where everyone is unanimous. Take the reunion dinner for example, usually my youngest sis-in-law will go back to the neighbour country about 1 week before the CNY and always ask for early reunion dinner from our family. But my younger bro is always unable to meet it halfway. I find that he is just unacommodating. Its just to get everyone to sit down and have a meal together - what is so difficult ? I don't understand. He always doesn't want to give in.
Though I am not the one asking for early reunion dinner but with this kind of answer I would feel disappointed.
Like today, my mum asked my bro again to have early reunion dinner, he said the wife is unable to make it due to work ..... Yes, I know work is important but family should always comes first. Sigh................
Perhaps it because the 2 bros are not close enough. In fact the three of us are not close. (Sigh).
As we start to age, our thinking will become more and more matured, more and more understanding, more and more regrets that there were so much things we didn't do or never think of doing it. Isn't it a bit too late to realise all these facts of life ? maybe yes, maybe no. (For me, I felt that I haven't treated my late father good enough). I always wish time could be turned around; could go backwards and I should be able to do better than I had done it.
Well, we should all treasure our family members when they are near us when they are around !
Family is all members of the house living under one roof; if living apart - should be contacting each other every now and then. Should gather together for meal regularly. Many many more ...............
Well my family - its small but then I feel that its not united. Each one has his or her own thinking own mindset hardly one time where everyone is unanimous. Take the reunion dinner for example, usually my youngest sis-in-law will go back to the neighbour country about 1 week before the CNY and always ask for early reunion dinner from our family. But my younger bro is always unable to meet it halfway. I find that he is just unacommodating. Its just to get everyone to sit down and have a meal together - what is so difficult ? I don't understand. He always doesn't want to give in.
Though I am not the one asking for early reunion dinner but with this kind of answer I would feel disappointed.
Like today, my mum asked my bro again to have early reunion dinner, he said the wife is unable to make it due to work ..... Yes, I know work is important but family should always comes first. Sigh................
Perhaps it because the 2 bros are not close enough. In fact the three of us are not close. (Sigh).
As we start to age, our thinking will become more and more matured, more and more understanding, more and more regrets that there were so much things we didn't do or never think of doing it. Isn't it a bit too late to realise all these facts of life ? maybe yes, maybe no. (For me, I felt that I haven't treated my late father good enough). I always wish time could be turned around; could go backwards and I should be able to do better than I had done it.
Well, we should all treasure our family members when they are near us when they are around !
Tuesday, 3 January 2012
'Pent-up' emotions...
Uhhhhhhh.............................
For the past week or so until today, always feel like 'screaming my head off'. Really felt very frustrated - the more I think about it, running the scenarios inside my brain - I really feel like screaming my head off and wish I could do a bungy jump from the top of MBS down to the ground. That way, maybe all my pent-up emotions will be blown away.
Why am I in this 'mode' or rather this mood. Well the more I think about my lost privacy in this home this house, the more I felt 'short changed' by my bro. I have slogged half of my life working hard, saving money, and at the end of the day managed to so-called owned a flat. Now, my bro and his family is staying in my house 'half free' and my flat is over-crowded overnight.
I have no more a bedroom to myself (so miserable) and after sometime praying that they will move out soon. Yes, they did mention about moving out about a year ago (after staying for around one and half year) but then changed their mind and carrying on staying here.
Nowadays whenever I thought about how in the past - I have a bedroom to myself and my mum also has a room to herself. Life could be better for the both of us until they moved in and looked like 'shi lai ze bu ju'. The way I see my bro - hanging onto his 'unstable income n flexible' job - didn't bother much to look for part time jobs to contribute to the household expenses. Not sure what's his mindset. If he had 20 years ago - stick to a stable income job - by now he could have own a flat/house and feed his own family good enough. Have thought of telling him off but he's a big man now, old enough to be sensible. If, I say if I am strong enough - would have given him a good punch to wake him up to face the reality face the world.
Now whenever I came home from work, I will see the floor messy, the table messy, my bed messy (with all the washed clothes lying there) - really an 'eyesore'. Its been a long time (3 years) since I last saw my house spick and span. Sigh.............when can this scene appears again...........when will all these people move out from my house for GOOD ???
Another thing, I dread to come home everytime after work. Wish I have all the energy to work 24 hours without resting, sleeping, eating. Yes, wish soooooooooooooo.
Well, its just the 3rd day of the New Year - wish my wish (the one that they will move out for good) will come true soon. (Not the wish that I could work 24 hrs).
Cheers, baby, no matter what or how, you (I) still need to face up to all happenings in the house, right ?
Be positive, be of good cheers, forget about all the unhappiness+ frustrations+emotionales+ (-)................................................................................................
For the past week or so until today, always feel like 'screaming my head off'. Really felt very frustrated - the more I think about it, running the scenarios inside my brain - I really feel like screaming my head off and wish I could do a bungy jump from the top of MBS down to the ground. That way, maybe all my pent-up emotions will be blown away.
Why am I in this 'mode' or rather this mood. Well the more I think about my lost privacy in this home this house, the more I felt 'short changed' by my bro. I have slogged half of my life working hard, saving money, and at the end of the day managed to so-called owned a flat. Now, my bro and his family is staying in my house 'half free' and my flat is over-crowded overnight.
I have no more a bedroom to myself (so miserable) and after sometime praying that they will move out soon. Yes, they did mention about moving out about a year ago (after staying for around one and half year) but then changed their mind and carrying on staying here.
Nowadays whenever I thought about how in the past - I have a bedroom to myself and my mum also has a room to herself. Life could be better for the both of us until they moved in and looked like 'shi lai ze bu ju'. The way I see my bro - hanging onto his 'unstable income n flexible' job - didn't bother much to look for part time jobs to contribute to the household expenses. Not sure what's his mindset. If he had 20 years ago - stick to a stable income job - by now he could have own a flat/house and feed his own family good enough. Have thought of telling him off but he's a big man now, old enough to be sensible. If, I say if I am strong enough - would have given him a good punch to wake him up to face the reality face the world.
Now whenever I came home from work, I will see the floor messy, the table messy, my bed messy (with all the washed clothes lying there) - really an 'eyesore'. Its been a long time (3 years) since I last saw my house spick and span. Sigh.............when can this scene appears again...........when will all these people move out from my house for GOOD ???
Another thing, I dread to come home everytime after work. Wish I have all the energy to work 24 hours without resting, sleeping, eating. Yes, wish soooooooooooooo.
Well, its just the 3rd day of the New Year - wish my wish (the one that they will move out for good) will come true soon. (Not the wish that I could work 24 hrs).
Cheers, baby, no matter what or how, you (I) still need to face up to all happenings in the house, right ?
Be positive, be of good cheers, forget about all the unhappiness+ frustrations+emotionales+ (-)................................................................................................
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