Emotional

 Recently my mum was admitted to hospital due to lung infection.

On 2nd day of admission she wanted to be discharged.  Subsequently when we visited her the next few days, she kept asking when she can be discharged.

She mentioned that go home is better.

However after few days in hospital, my mum was unable to pass urine the whole day and the doctor decided to insert IDC tube to let out her urine.

Doctor said she can be discharged with the IDC tube and will arrange for her to see the Urologist1-2 weeks later to remove the tube and the care giver has to clear her urine bag daily.

When my younger bro, his wife and I visited her last evening, she threw tantrums and wanted to go home that very night. She then threatened us that if she cannot go home, she will jump down aka commit suicide. Btw she has mild dementia and the “drama” might be caused by her dementia.

Worst thing is that she kept telling gym sis in law off, saying she doesn’t need  my SIL to take care of her anymore, she doesn’t depend on her daughter in law for food and then said my SIL stared at her!

My SIL must be feeling upset over all these remarks and she is a sensitive person.

The last my mum said that my SIL adjusted her legs so hard few days before her admission,  she was upset for a long time. When we visited my mum together, she doesn’t talk to her much and sat at the side which sometimes made my mum pissed off and she remarked her DIL is like a “block of wood”. 

My SIL did heard it and I not sure how she feels!

My the other brother keeps asking us to discharge our mother saying she is okay.  Sigh….

Not sure after my mum is discharged and at home, will my SIL still take care of her with patience.

Will things be the same as before?

I am very perplexed….

 

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Upset with myself

This evening I went to nearby shopping mall to pack our dinner.  While walking inside the shopping mall, I was interrupted by a sales person who wanted to give me a free sample of skincare product.

I said “no” at first and continue to walk but the sales person kept walking side by side with me and pesters me to take the free sample and said something like “it’s free no need to buy anything”.

The moment I took the sample from her, she immediately sprayed something on my left hand and then massage it.  It’s a skin whitening product and she said the product is made of fruits and locally produced.

After that, she showed me into the shop and get her colleague to wash my hand.  After washing, the colleague immediately introduced me to the product and showed me some photos of other customers who used the product and their skin shown improvement.  She continue to talk about the product for a few minutes and in the end I asked her how much is it.

She said it costs $149. I asked for smaller packing but there is only one size. Soon she said if I buy the product she will give me “buy 1 free 1” and said I get to have a free skin analysis and facial.

I told the staff I need to rush off and unable to do the skin analysis and facial now.  She said I can go back anytime to do it.

Without further questions, I paid $150 for the product and left my name and contact number and left the shop to buy dinner. Yes she charged me extra $1!

On the way to buy dinner, I was feeling kind of weird and upset that I have spent unnecessary money on a product which I may not use it.  I should have said “no” all the way even if the sales person pestered me to pass me the free sample.

Yes there  many such shops around in Singapore. They pretend to give you a free sample and after that will start to “sell” their product.  You will feel bad if you don’t buy it and that’s ME!  After buying I will regret a lot and felt like I have been conned.

I hate it…..

 

 

, 

Catch up with my younger sibling

 Was thinking of my younger sibling lately and thought of calling her to ask how she is.

About two months ago she was complaining of knee pain. Want to find out if she is feeling better.

Just then she called me and will be coming to my area in a short while n asked if I want to meet her at the nearby shopping mall.  I said ok.

Told her our other sibling is with me and we will meet her together.

 We were watching TV and forgot about the time.  She texted me to say she has reached but couldn’t find me. Replied her that we are coming.

She called me while we are on our way to meet her and she was telling me off why I am so late and said next time when we meet she would make me wait! What?? I was stung!

When we reached, she asked me to go order drinks. I was like asking her what she wanted to drink a few times and in the end the other sibling offered to get us the drinks.

After having our coffee, we did some shopping at the mall for about 30 mins and my younger sibling wanted to leave for home.  The other sibling went with me to my house.

One the way she told me that the younger sibling was complaining to her while they waited in the queue to buy drinks.  She told her that I am stingy and never paid for my drinks when I went out with her (younger sibling).  I was stung the 2nd time!

That was like more than a year ago when we went out together.  After she bought the drinks I think I  wanted to pay but she said no need and now more than a year later she complained that I am stingy!  Goodness me!

I felt hurt and upset upon hearing this.  I never expect her to talk about me like that.

Twice I got “free drinks” from her which was like less than $10.  What is $10 between siblings and she has to be so calculative!! 

If I had known this would happen I should have insisted to pay her on the spot however sometimes I am too straightforward for taking others’ “no” as no when they don’t mean it.

Why my sibling is like that? Upset over a small matter!

I really envied my friends’ who has nice and caring siblings.

I felt like crying.  

Come to think of it, I had nice siblings too.  It’s just that when both of them were around I didn’t treasure them until they passed on due to illness.

.

Seriously “ridiculously”

Lately I just found out that all along I have been exploited by my close relatives staying with me.

I did not realised it until I had a good talk with a confidant lately.

Unexpectedly, in the past, I was being exploited by my colleagues, my so call good friend and my siblings. However after realising it, I decided to let it slide though I felt hurt, upset and angry with their actions.

I did not confront them.  Maybe I am timid, maybe I am too kind?

Somehow I know that people tend to  “bully” me just because I am too kind or I am quiet, or do I look like a sucker to them!

Even the person I thought was nice to me and I trusted the most, did such things to me, me :(  Of course I felt hurt and terrible.

Why.

I tried to think if I have done something to them but not that I know of or maybe accidentally I stepped on their toes.

As for few of my close relatives, I know they have been taking advantage of my kindness and soft heartedness in terms of financial wise.

Now the ones staying with me are doing the same thing to me! I have been providing them with nearly free lodging and other daily necessities and they are like expecting for more “freebies”!

I have been saving hard all these donkey years while working and by being thrifty and didn’t spent much on myself and I now felt that indirectly I am spending my hard earned money on these people!

Sigh….

I have the money but for some reasons I am unable to buy the things I like freely.

How I wish I can stay on my own alone without my close relatives bunking at my small house and the best thing is that I don’t know how to ask them to leave and they somehow take things for granted.  The best thing is that sometimes I felt that it is more like their house than mine!

Anyway, I am not so happy as I do not have privacy and the worst thing I can think of is that they may stay with me “forever”.

Come to think of it, if only I did not “belong” to this family; my situation and my life might be different!!!

 Unbelievable!

Today is 28 Dec 2020.

On 25 Dec 2020, I did not received any WhatsApp from my ‘BFF’ the whole day.

Thought maybe she was busy as it was Christmas Day.

The next day, also no text from her.

I felt “dejected”.  Three days in a row, no “news” from her.

Straight away I knew she decided to stop forwarding the daily devotional to me.

I felt sort of “out of place” and keep thinking why she did that to me.

I was dumb founded.

I couldn’t recall doing or saying anything that offended her recently!

I have always treated her as nice as I can but but she just treated me like a “feather”.

Just felt that if she is in good mood, she will smile to her, talks to me.

If she is moody or feels irritated, she would just ignore me, like in this case, me like a “feather” to her was blown away from her.

She never considers my feelings. She just totally ignored my feelings. She did not realised that she has “wounded” me with her doings!

Normally, she will forward me the daily devotional Everyday except on 1 or 2 occasions, she forgot to send.

The last time she WhatsApp me the daily devotional was on Christmas Eve, 24 Dec 2020 and I wished her blessed Christmas and happy new year.

From that day till this morning, no more devotional to me.

She just “cut-off” me from her WhatsApp since Christmas Day.

I could have ask her why but I did not as I think she may have her reasons for doing so.

No point asking and I don’t think it helps.

Of course, I felt upset but there is nothing which I can do.

I told myself that no matter what, I still have to maintain the relationship with her; not friendship which she has given up but working relationships as we still need to liaise with each other for work concerns.

This morning in office, I still said hello to her.  Yes I have to even if I dun feel like it. (have to be thick skin).

Anyway I still have to face her in the office and I can’t ignore her totally.

I really felt very innocent and I am!

For some unknown reasons, I have became her “victim”.

Why not me?

It may take some time for me to get over this incident.  I am not like her, suka suka just “kick” me away and then forgets about everything.

The reason being that right in the beginning of this friendship, I have put in too much 感情 into it all at once.

SIGH...

She didn’t realise that all along when things happened between us, I have been very patient with her and tolerated her nonsense.

I am not sure if she “feels” anything at all be it upset, or what not or it’s just her mood swings’ fault?

Maybe, maybe I am at fault also but didn’t realise it??

Unforgettable

 Felt that my  “BFF” has changed her attitude towards me over these many months, almost a year from our last ‘eventful’ trip together.

She didn’t apologise which I think she would not as she AI MIEN ZI. I know that.

I just pretend nothing happened though my mind is in an “emotional whirlpool”.

I kept thinking or rather that unhappy incident kept flashing in my mind for many months.

I was the innocent party in this incident but she won’t let me explain.

Two weeks ago, she bought me a quick lunch 2 days before my birthday and we didn’t talked much during the lunch. (*)

I did not feel “secured” during the lunch.  

Immediately after we finished the lunch, she rushed back to office while I did some window shopping on my own.

She needed to go back office quickly to set up for some meeting.

(*) Since few years ago, we used to lunch together on a regular weekly basis until on my last year’s birthday lunch, she pointed out to me that she’s always the one talking and most times I just kept quiet.

I think she wanted to say she was talking to “the wall” maybe.

It’s not that I do not want to talk but I am just an introvert not knowing how to express myself.

After that lunch, we stopped going lunch together.

She should have been more understanding towards me.  We have had lunch together for a few years already.

I am upset that she misunderstood me but I kept quiet.

Lately I felt that she is ‘cold’ towards me, just like this afternoon we bumped into each other in the pantry and we just say hello.

Unlike previously she will make small talk.

I can feel that I am emotional towards her though she may have “given up” on me.

It’s because right in the beginning I have put in too much affections into our friendship thinking we would be “forever” friends like what J always thought we were.

I know she can very  绝 one but I am the one still hoping things would get better but chances are very Low.

Sigh...

I must learn to let go.  I have been dragging on for too Long.

To be honest, in the early part of our friendship, she treated me very nice and I was touched.

Ya, I was nice to her too.

I always treated her as a priority, only to find out later on that I am just one of her options.  Sad :(

Somehow along the way over the past few years, things happened. She was unhappy and told me off over some minor matters which I just let her be. I just don’t want to make things worse if I argue.

Only she can talk when she is pissed off...no one else can...maybe her BFF can.

Pissed off

Nowadays I noticed the OL in the house has been getting lazy or forgetful.

She hardly shower and change her clothes (maybe once  a week), only when asked and reminded after a few times.

Sometimes she will reply that she had done do the day before but I was at home and she did not do it.

Not sure if she is forgetful or just plain lazy.

Is it she can't smell herself - to me its so smelly, worse than the salted fish smell :(

Like this morning, I reminded her to shower.  She said later.

Until now, 4 hours later, she is couching on sofa bed watching TV.

She does it everyday.

Really cannot tahan her nowadays.

Feel like asking her to go and stay with her elder son or send her to old age home ! but I can't afford the fees and I do not think my siblings will chip in especially the elder one (her favourite son).

If only long ago, I can pre-emp such things, I wouldn't have bought this flat and stay with her.

Another thing, this OL has lots of junks in the house - she has lots of stuff all locked up in the 4-5 drawers.  Mostly are useless stuff I think.

Really feel very pissed off today.........

Stressed Out

Since 2 weeks ago I have been feeling moody and stressed, mainly due to work.

I will be moving on to a new portfolio soon and I do not know yet what is my job scope.  Didn’t managed to ask my boss till today.

My colleague who is going to take over my current duties also look moody. The environment is very tensed up when the 2 of us are alone.

Currently another colleague is away on leave and both of us are sharing out her workload.

We are feeling tired too as this is additional workload besides our own workload.

I just hoped that when this colleague returned from leave she would appreciate that we were there to relief her duties. (She hasn’t been treating me nice since the beginning but her attitude towards me has improved from last year).

So much things have happened since there will be reshuffling of duties between me and my first colleague.

I can sensed that there were gossipings about my boss and me too within our department.

I just felt that my 1st colleague has many supporters in our office as well as from  her good friends in other departments.

She seldom talked to me unless it’s work concerned and it’s been like this since day 1 :(

I want to thank God for his watching and caring over and for me all these years at work.

Oh yes my boss told me this afternoon to help out my colleagues whenever they need help in the meantime.

Btw I have another colleague whom I find her to be irritating at times.

She is a talkative person but she also seldom talk to me.  She likes to talk to my 1st colleague.

Whenever I step out of my work station and when I return I saw both of them talking and she stopped when I am walking towards my work station.  I am irritated by her such actions. This always happened whenever I return to my work station from toilet or pantry. I feel like asking her if she is talking bad about me when I am not around.

She just won’t talk to her when the 3 of us are at our work stations.  Yes we are sitting near to each other.

I just don’t know what’s wrong with her or she just doesn’t want me to know her conversation.

No point guessing.  Just ignore her like she ignores me.

True colours

Lately there have been some changes in the office.

Noticed that my colleague 1 whom I sort of admired her has started to change her attitude towards me.
She told me off in a “nice” way but I felt quite “sad” that she is starting to show her true colours.

It is due to the fact that there will be some changes in her job and mine starting next year.

Just this morning we were talking about some work. I asked my colleague 2 to send the email but she asked me to send it instead. I then asked colleague 1 to send. She answered that it doesn’t mean she is capable she has to do everything.

I was “shocked” to hear it and do not know how to answer her. I just know that she has changed.

Well all along I have been treating her so nice but now colleague 1 is treating me differently from before.

Siiiigh.....

The other day when she was complaining about the other colleague, I started to sense that she is going to show her true colours.  True enough it happened today again.

I find that she is “too full of herself” now and I was disheartened.

I just hope and pray that everything will be fine for me with the 2 of them for now till Jan next year.

Ya just like S said if really cannot stand the work stress retire early.

For me, it is more of colleagues problems than work stress.

I have shared the incident with F today.

Taking advantage

Lately I have been feeling depressed.
I noticed that my junior staff and me were “drifting apart”.
She is treating me more and more like I am invisible.

These few years she Always like to ‘pick on me’ as though I am her subordinate.

I regretted that all along I have been treating her nicely and she always hurt my pride or rather self esteem. I have been tolerating her attitude problems these few years.

The only reason I can think of her being so rude to me is that I am being too kind.

She just thought that she is the boss or what.  Wow really can’t stand her.

In the very beginning I should not have confirmed her for this job since she was always late for work and taking Long lunch.  Now she has gradually improved and I have given her good appraisal.

She also doesn’t know how to appreciate.  It’s like throwing gold into the “Long Kow”.

All because I am too kind to her and now I really regretted.

My Friend told me dun bother with her but sometimes I retialated in my own ways when she provokes me when I am moody and I regretted my own actions.

I didn’t show good testimony as a Christian.  May I forgive her as God forgives me.

Amen!

Things have changed

Right this was what I thought so…

Ah B ‘said’ me directly in the face yesterday. I was taken aback but hoped that I didn’t show it.

Lately she has changed her style in the office. She talked and laughed carefree. Not sure if she was influenced by the ‘someone’.

I also observed that she and ah A were ‘talking’ secretly using their hand phones.  A few times I felt like telling the ‘someone’ that the 2 of them were good friends behind the scene.  Not sure if she sensed it.

Aiyoh don’t be k poh.  She will not thank you.

I already sensed it previously when ah A always so concerned about ah B and always follow her wherever she goes.

Aiyah mind my own business.

Anyway I have always been kind to these 3 people especially ah B.  Hope she Will always remember.

是。。。要👀开一点哦。。。

Things have changed people have changed and I think I am more or less the same ...sad...

I need to change too...my attitude my perspective my everything if can.

Need to go to bed now.

Yes I am catching up with my old friends tomorrow. Hope we will have a good time :)

Emotional and sensitive

Have been feeling very emotional recently.

Maybe because my oldest Nephew had undergone a major life changing experience. Sympathised with him very much.

His mum must have felt very saddened.

Yes he’s a brave guy. He has accepted the fact and is coping quite well. It’s a relief.

I was quiet in the office.  My staff just leave me along. They chit chat and laughed and seemed to treat me as invisible.  Sigh...

The other thing was that I felt that RC and I have drifted apart since we didn’t get to have lunch fellowship for 2 weeks or more.

Maybe I have been feeling emotional and very sensitive as lately the memories of my unhappy past experiences between my colleagues and me kept ‘floating up’ in my mind. I really felt so down and lonely with those memories fogging my brain.

Come on, let go of all negative thoughts and move on.

Putting all these aside, I am touched that my Long time Friend has encouraged me when I told her of my fears at work.

Yes and there is the ‘N’ ...I spoke to him over the phone lately and found out that he is very gentle and friendly over the phone.  I was ‘touched’ and almost fall in love with him. No wonder someone was attracted to him previously.

Okay, stop day dreaming.  Keep moving on and learn to be thankful and joyful.

No problem is bigger than God.

Yes yes yes !!!

Some disappointments

Early this week I was asking my colleague if I can put her name in my out of office notifications for assistance but she said no.

I was taken aback......felt a bit hurt and disappointed with her answer.

I asked the 'small one' and she gave me the same answer.....felt disappointed again.

Come to think of it, I had always acceded to their requests every now and then...and here they were telling me 'no' straight in my face.....both of them really 'singing in the same tune'.

???

Well, its ok....what goes round will come round (I heard someone said this phrase previously).

I think it will.

Actually I do not need to ask them,  I could be just like my bosses (they don't ask and just go ahead with it)- always put my name in their email notifications where I really may not be of much help ! I just accept it with 'no regrets'.

...........................................................................................................................................

This evening while having dinner with my mum and younger bro; my mum scooped some soup for my bro and asked me to help myself.

Felt a bit awkward or hurt (told myself not to be sensitive or angry - this is not the first time).

There was some mixed feelings when this thing happened but I try not to think so much.
Anyway my mum is already getting on with age and yet she still behaves like this.

When he's hungry she will cook instant noodles for him but when I was hungry I had to cook it myself.

My bro and me are already adults and here my mum is still showing her favouritism.

Good that I am independent ...no need to depend everything on my mum.

Yes, good !

Taken for granted

My so-called friend told me 2 weeks ago that she will have lunch with me after she is back from leave.

I think she forgotten when she returned from leave and didn't say anything to me.

Yesterday she wanted to have lunch with me but I already have a prior appointment.

I suggested the next day and she said will confirm with me again.

Today when I checked with her, she said will lunch with me this coming Friday.  I said OK.

Felt a bit depressed that we were unable to have lunch today.

After some thoughts, felt that she is not sincere enough.....felt like she just said for 'f'un' or rather just

敷衍了事.

I felt 'cheated'..I am looking forward towards the lunch catch-up but......siiiiiigh...

(actually I already trying not to think about this 'fallen' friendship but recently every now and then she will said something to me making my hopes 'high'.  Sometimes I  felt like I am a 'ball' and she just spin me (the ball) around using the tip of her index finger).

This afternoon was frustrated with my pc monitor giving me some 'headaches' again...lately it keeps causing some resolutions problems and I have to keep calling the IT guys.

Its a old monitor and my office or rather the person in charge is not going to change it !

After the problem was solved over the phone, I just don't feel like talking the whole afternoon when my other colleagues were happily talking away.  They did notice that I am moody.

I felt like banging table and chair.  Went to the toilet to 'scream it out'.

Nearing end of the work day, my colleague emailed me to say she will order a new monitor for me.

What ! for a moment it needs 'somebody' approval and another moment anyone can just approve it.

On the way home was thinking about the day's happenings.  I was frustrated not only because of the 'koyat' monitor but also of what my so-called friend had done to me.

All these 'pen-up' emotions and frustrations causing me to feeling moody the whole of the late afternoon.

Missing her ...

Somewhere in mid August, she asked me to lunch together for once. I agreed.

We didn't talked anything in specific.

The week after she asked me for lunch again and I had lunch with her.  One time only that week.

One week later, I asked her for lunch but she said her superior was giving them a lunch treat.
She suggested the next day but I have appointment and I said next week which is this week.

Met her this morning at common area and neither of us ask each other to go for lunch.

In the afternoon, met her again in public area and she asked what I ate for lunch.  I answered her question but did not ask her what she ate.

For the past week, I still feel emotional whenever I thought of our times together before we got 'drifted apart'.

I was feeling moody again.  Why I just can't get over her and kept thinking of how caring she had been to me during the period when I had undergone surgery.  Why the change now ?

I really don't know the reasons or am I being too dumb ?

If I had done something wrong to her, she would have told me off.

Is she sick of me already ?  or she has her 'difficulties' ?

What about the promises she said to me in the very beginning ?

Have she clean forgotten about it ?

I have put too much trust and affections in this friendship and in her and that's why now I am feeling 'very depressed' and disappointed in her.

Why is she giving me the cold shoulders and sometimes seemed to be  'half hot half cold'.  That's how I felt about her.

I don't think she has any personal problems or work problems and I 'caught' her talking happily with colleagues from other depts.

Its just me that she doesn't want to talk much to (that's my perceptions).

Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh

I have been wanting to buy small gifts for her for the past 2-3 weeks but I was worried she might reject it.

btw I bought Ricola sweets for her 2 weeks ago and she bought me a stalk of flower (cloth one) in return.

Today during lunch time, I bought some apples and 2 small packs of Ferrero Rocher to give to a few of my colleagues and I left one pack of Ferrero  on her desk.  She wasn't around but other colleagues were around. Not sure if she would ask them who left it on her desk.

Probably she would have thought someone else has bought it for her.  I don't think I am going to tell her unless she mentioned it.

I told myself I want to be happy even without her company but I just cannot 'put it down'.

I missed her you know (not sure if she feels the same) ?

Since things have come to such, I think it won't do me any good if I kept thinking of her and the past.

Its all over ? is it ?  Yes or maybe.

Pending thoughts

Three weeks have passed since the incident happened.

Whenever I think of her, I still feel a bit emotional.

Yes, I am a very emotional person...

I guess both of us still need a little more time to sort out our differences ?

Maybe I am the only one who thought so ?

Especially in the first 2 weeks, I felt so 'heart breaking'.

I know she has treated me very nice in the past.

Maybe she thinks that I didn't treat her good enough ?

Unlike her, I am not a vocal person.

Not sure if she has been thinking of me all this while, during this 'trial period' ?

I have been.....thinking of her every now and then during this "trial period'.

 I have prayed about our friendship and for her as well.

At this point of time, I am still feeling 可惜 to let go of this friendship but what can I do except to wait for a while more and see how.

I have told myself 'to move on and forget the past' but its not easy.

Disappointments

Lately my so-called friend keeps turning me down for lunching and gave me some valid excuses like today I no lunch with you or I am still full; you go ahead......

I am sick with all her excuses !

I felt deserted and was upset.......

In the very beginning she told me that she would lunch with me everyday and now maybe she is already getting 'sick' of me (my guess).

I am not sure if there is any misunderstanding between us and I was unable to recall anything which has caused her misunderstanding.

If there is one, she would be the first one to question me.

If she is moody, she can tell me so.

I felt so moody and down over her rejections and I kept thinking about this matter for a few days and few nights.

Why am I spending so much time mulling over this matter?

Its because I have treated her as a friend and have put in all my affections in this friendship.

I saw her yesterday at the office corridor and her facial expressions sort of look 'weird' to me.

I realised both of us have not been talking much for the past 1-2 weeks.

Maybe she finds me boring or maybe she is 'sick' of me or maybe she has her own reasons.
If so she should have told me and not kept me wandering what has went wrong.

A few times I felt like texting her to ask her why but I did not.  I thought I could just wait and see how.

I had been lunching with myself for about a year until the 2 of us started to lunch together more than a year ago.

Why she wants to give me hope and then now she is treating me like 'transparent'.

I am upset, frustrated and hurt you know my friend ??

:( :( :(

Return favour

Had been having my sensitive emotions again for the last 2 days or maybe including today.

Its hardly bearable....

I thought I became less sensitive nowadays compared to years ago but somehow it doesn't seemed so.

My BFF invited me to a resort stay in the neighbouring country which she got it 'complimentary' and I booked the ferry tickets for both of us.

It actually didn't strike me to return favour until her other friend (who also got the complimentary vouchers from her) invited both of us to dinner while we were at the resort; and I felt I had to do something but not sure what to do.

During the dinner conversations, my BFF 'teased' me in front of her other friend and family, and somehow she hinted about how ex is the resort stay if we had to pay for it and that really 'burned up' all my 'sensitive' neurons.  I just felt like leaving halfway through the dinner but in the end I managed to control my emotions and stayed till the end. and felt moody almost the whole night.
If she had not stopped rattling, I think I might have broke out in tears.

Maybe my 'sensitive emotions' is the culprit!

My BFF had been saying the same thing a few times - about how ex the resort stay is (the 1st time was when she asked me or invite me - I can't remember she said invite or to go with her).  It just that I had not been 'alert' enough.

I was so 'naive' **in the beginning that I didn't thought about doing something to return her 'generous' gesture thinking that since she got it FOC in the first place but later realised she may not think alike.

Someone ever told me:  Just trust your gut feelings - its usually is true.

When the 3 of us were around, she always talked to that common friend and somehow I felt 'left out'.

Anyway she knew her way before me and both of them clicked very well compared to me and BFF.

Maybe I was tired and moody and thus it sparked all the 'sensitive' neurons in my brain.
Huh ?  am I right ?

My response could be a bit slow, but it hit me just this afternoon (on the way home) what I should do - a return favour.

I suddenly remembered this phrase : "THERE IS NO FREE LUNCH IN THIS WORLD"! Be it from your family members or your friends.

Btw, I returned her 'the favour'  this late afternoon. I think she is happy.

I am glad that I had returned her the favour though at that point of time I was still emotional.

Yeah I don't like to 'owe' people too much.

Someone really spoil my day today

The 'leopard' irritated me this morning.

Another colleague has passed 'the leopard' a document to handle and it passed it to me and asked me to call the person to pick it up.

My blood 'boiled'.....making my bp shoots up I think.

I was so pissed off that I don't know what to say for a while.  After that I passed the doc back to it and said " if you can't do it, then you ask XXX to call the person". XXX refers to one of the bosses.

A short later, I walked out of the office to the loo.

After I came back, I checked my phone and the leopard has watsapp me to say "Sorry, I think I did something to make you angry".

I replied "ya so you know. You are forgiven. Don't make the same mistake again".

Not sure if the other colleague (the good friend) has hinted the leopard to say sorry.

The atmosphere was 'weird' the whole morning.  I still feel 'burning' inside myself and the leopard was quiet for quite a while.

Even after lunch time, I felt so moody.  I told myself this morning to forgive and forget just like God has forgiven me over time and time again.

After talking to 'Y', I felt better and realised that both parties are in the wrong.

The leopard has cheekily asked me to do the task and I responded in an angry tone.  I should have told it off in a firm tone.

Anyway I noticed that half the time the leopard respected the other colleague i.e. the good friend more than me.   SIGH....

Really spoil my day today ... Shuts .....

Feeling irritable

Me getting very irritable nowadays....

Just today, my mum has given me a lots 'headaches'.  I talked about this thing and she will answer me another thing.

This is not the first time she did that to me.  This has been going on like for a few months.  I think she has hearing problems. Really, and this can lead to lots of so-called misunderstandings.

When I came home at 5+pm, she was watching teochew opera on her mobile and she turned on the volume very loud.

Its very noisy and I wanted to rest but I can't tell her to shut it down.

I am feeling frustrating and irritable.

I have no choice but to close my bedroom door and turn on my radio.

At this point of time, how I wish I am not staying with my mum. Then I could be alone in the house and have freedom to do whatever I like; at least to have some peace when I am feeling tired and need to take a short rest or to sleep early without eating dinner !

With her around, there are lots of things which I am unable to do.  SIGH.

Sometimes I do envy my single friends who are staying alone. I think they really have lots of privacy to themselves.  So envy.