Missing her ...

Somewhere in mid August, she asked me to lunch together for once. I agreed.

We didn't talked anything in specific.

The week after she asked me for lunch again and I had lunch with her.  One time only that week.

One week later, I asked her for lunch but she said her superior was giving them a lunch treat.
She suggested the next day but I have appointment and I said next week which is this week.

Met her this morning at common area and neither of us ask each other to go for lunch.

In the afternoon, met her again in public area and she asked what I ate for lunch.  I answered her question but did not ask her what she ate.

For the past week, I still feel emotional whenever I thought of our times together before we got 'drifted apart'.

I was feeling moody again.  Why I just can't get over her and kept thinking of how caring she had been to me during the period when I had undergone surgery.  Why the change now ?

I really don't know the reasons or am I being too dumb ?

If I had done something wrong to her, she would have told me off.

Is she sick of me already ?  or she has her 'difficulties' ?

What about the promises she said to me in the very beginning ?

Have she clean forgotten about it ?

I have put too much trust and affections in this friendship and in her and that's why now I am feeling 'very depressed' and disappointed in her.

Why is she giving me the cold shoulders and sometimes seemed to be  'half hot half cold'.  That's how I felt about her.

I don't think she has any personal problems or work problems and I 'caught' her talking happily with colleagues from other depts.

Its just me that she doesn't want to talk much to (that's my perceptions).

Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh

I have been wanting to buy small gifts for her for the past 2-3 weeks but I was worried she might reject it.

btw I bought Ricola sweets for her 2 weeks ago and she bought me a stalk of flower (cloth one) in return.

Today during lunch time, I bought some apples and 2 small packs of Ferrero Rocher to give to a few of my colleagues and I left one pack of Ferrero  on her desk.  She wasn't around but other colleagues were around. Not sure if she would ask them who left it on her desk.

Probably she would have thought someone else has bought it for her.  I don't think I am going to tell her unless she mentioned it.

I told myself I want to be happy even without her company but I just cannot 'put it down'.

I missed her you know (not sure if she feels the same) ?

Since things have come to such, I think it won't do me any good if I kept thinking of her and the past.

Its all over ? is it ?  Yes or maybe.