Work work and work

Am overwhelmed with work since more than a week ago.

All the deadlines for important projects are close to each other. Don't know which one to tackle first as to me all are equally important.

It all happened just when my colleague started to go on long leave. Sigh.
The relief staff is quite inexperience and she couldn't help much. Worse still I need to guide her.

The 'best thing' is I am sick..have flu since last Saturday night till now. Wish I can take a few days MC to rest but felt that my so called circumstances just cannot allow me to afford it and I am unable to concentrate on my work !

Hope I can get all work done on time. My boss has threw the ball at me for me to 'catch it'  and score points for him ! Very stress you know especially when I am still not feeling well.

Wish I can catch up with my sleep tonight and then to catch up with work tomorrow morning.

Got to leave the blog for now. Ciao.

Freedom

Sigh.
I am sighing again - not sure if its a good sign or not ?

I just feel 'moo-moo' out of the blues...

Come to think about it - I do not have much freedom at home !

Why ? because I am not staying alone - I am living with my mom, my bro and his family members.

Even on my off days or weekends - there's always 2-3 people at home - I do not have my own privacy.  I can't do the things I like at home for example turning on the music loud to destress; eating some 'good stuff' alone.

I just can't do anything I like in the house.  That's it. At this point of time, I really envy a few of my friends who are living alone (they are single and their parents had passed on). They really have so much freedom but not sure if they feel 'lonely'.

My mom - she is very active at her age of 70+.  Just saw her climbing up a high chair to keep things in the kitchen top cabinet !  'So suc' huh.  Felt like telling her not to do that again but the words didn't pop out of my mouth. Jus worried if she falls - then how ? On second thought I better keep my mouth shut.  No matter what I said she wouldn't listen anyway. She is actually quite stubborn though other people known her to be a meek lady.

Sometimes I came back from work - very weary - don't feel like eating dinner - how I wish I could just drop myself on the bed and sleep through the night. With my mom around, I just can't do it - have to eat my dinner first no matter what.

Another thing, she likes to keep things - old stuff since many many years ago and new stuff - she just couldn't bear to use them after buying it.  Don't know keep for what.

I was thinking inside my heart - by the time she passed on - I would have many junks to clear.

Hmm I am not cursing her but I am just sick of all these junks in my house.  There are so many clutters around the house.

Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh.

Too many 'debts' .....

Realised recently that I have had bought way too many insurance related products.  Not sure if its healthy to do so or not.  Have always acted on impulse whenever my agent/friend asked me to buy their products without thinking twice !.

The problem is I am 'getting on in age' and is quite stressful to have to keep maintaining and paying the premiums till the day I retire.  Sigh...........Sigh..............Sigh.

I have known some of my friends who did not even bought a single insurance at all and they are living happily - no stress you know. For most people out there, they would want some kind of security and I have way bought too many 'securities'.

One of my close friends have advised me a year or two ago not to buy any more insurance but I somehow 'forgotten' and bought 2 new ones after her advice.  See..my forgetfulness...or rather I am an easy 'prey' always falling to people's 'traps'.

I think the problem here is that I don't know how to say NO even when I am not so rich.

So in the end, I am the one who suffers...not anybody else.

Something said too fast

Shouldn't have said something which I had said too fast to the power puff girl.

It all started as the 'power puff girl' is asking about some work matters relating to SY and I told her that SY is off and will take a long time to answer text.  The power puff girl sounded a bit 'shocked' and said she could ask another person who knows about the stuff but she just doesn't feel like asking him.

Well hopefully the power puff girl would not go to SY or someone else and tell them what I told her. Actually I should not have told her that. What if she twisted the words ?  Then it may cause more misunderstanding between SY and me.

I do not know what's is SY thinking about me - as already she is acting so 'cold' towards me nowadays. It really makes me feel akward and 'nan soh' at times.

Hoping things will eventually turn out fine again between the 2 of us when time goes on.

Sigh.....

My friend...

My 'friend' is feeling very moody today.  She felt she is a loser in the world.  She feels so 'devastated' - she cried.  She just couldn't take it.

Those people around her are treating her badly - at least that's what she has been feeling.

She has no friend in the office - very lonely - a lone ranger....

Things weren't that bad a few years ago.

Heard that there is  a colleague who is so well liked by everyone in the office unlike her ! Sigh...

All the colleagues are like bees swarming around her.

My friend, she felt 'pitiful', inferior and very uncomfortable with all these happenings.

She wanted to overcome this kind of feeling but failed.  Felt like giving up...but no...should not give up because of these 'toxic' 'insensitive' people around her.

I just wish or hope she will feel better - be happy, be strong, be courageous, ignore all those people.

Yes, she is a very sensitive person..she tried not to but just can't help it.

Hope she will be better, be cheerful and be positive :):):) JIA YOU JIA YOU !

Thoughts on Father's Day

I think I have not celebrated Father's Day before !  Sigh.

When my father was alive, I didn't treated him well. Why?

When we were young, my parents always quarreled over money...about my father bringing not enough money home to support the family.

He was doing odd job and he would spent what he earned after giving the family some money. My mother was also working to chip in for the monthly expenses.

I was frightened whenever my father shouted at my mum; banged the door and walked out of the house and then would returned home late and drunk some times.

I didn't liked him or rather didn't liked him to quarrel with my mum.

When we started to work; we (the 3 children) hardly gave him pocket money.

He would always asked my mum for money to buy some 'kichi kurat' things.

As years passed by till the day he was sick - he had stroke - only my mum and myself were with him most of the times.  That was the most tried times of our lives.  My mum was taking care of him with the help of a domestic helper. He always threw temper and was depressed. My 2 other brothers hardly came to see him though. He passed away 2 years after the stroke.

After he passed on, a lot of thoughts came to my mind.  Why didn't I treat him nicer when he was alive. Why I didn't thought of giving him pocket money though he didn't asked.  Why I never give him ang pow on his birthdays and on father's day and never even thought of it.  (My mum were given these 2 types of ang pows).

Its only after he passed away that I realised I could have treated him better. After all he was our 'elder'. Why am I so mean. Why I am so irresponsible so cold hearted.  Really regretted...always reprimand myself...its too late.. the person is already not around.  Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh.

The only thing I could do now is treat my mum and my siblings better to make up for what I didn't do for my father. I would not want to have any regrets again in future.

'So sad'

Of late, have felt that that someone is trying to avoid me. No matter what I said to her or asked her - she would gave me a negative response.

Not sure why she treated me like this.  What wrong have I done ?  Frankly speaking, I do not have...

Maybe she has mood changes - she is pregnant !

Ya,  I felt so bad - so bad about myself - you know ?  Always thinking that did I offend her 'unconsciously' by talking or by my attitude.  I know sometimes I am a bit 'moo-moo'; hanging a serious look but I am not unhappy or whatever.  I am just like that.

I am borne with a serious look or rather I always have this serious look.  I know some people (my relatives or my colleagues) treated me differently - they are always serious when talking to me but when they talked to others - they are laughing away.  (So Sadddddddddddd).

Why people are so double standard - when they faced a cheerful person they behaved cheerful and when they faced a serious person (like me) they behaved serious.  I thought they should behave cheerful all the way....???

Sigh, this is the real life.