I am not sure if the OL is really old or that's her character.
I just found out something this morning - to be honest its not only this morning that I realised this 'something' but I just 'de guo chei guo'. This morning she went to buy breakfast for her fave son and when she's back, I was walking towards the living hall and she immediately said she forgot to buy breakfast for me. What a joke - its so ironical ! She knew I am at home this morning !
Anyway, I would not say anything if she just buys for him alone when I am only 'transparent' in her eyes.
Come on, this is not the first time she has treated me this way.
She is always like that - full of excuses (very 'lung' excuses) when she thought I would say something upon seeing her doing such things or when certain things happened.
Its okay lah. NO big deal. I am 'old' enough to take care of myself. I have to take care of my own self.
Come to think of it, I have done so much for this family and this is the 'treatment' I received esp. from the OL.
I think I am not angry but just felt that I have been treating her too good all this while or rather all these years. I cared for her, give her money, give her a 'roof over her head' and this is how she has treated me. She took it for granted and I took it as 'a must'.
To think that I am always the last in queue amongst her children.
From now on, I will take good care of myself - I must be firm, be steady, be brave, be healthy, be happy, and be what I should be.
Saturday, 23 March 2013
Saturday, 16 March 2013
Facing the dilemmas
Sigh, I am in facing the dilemmas..
My so-called close friend has been trying to help me finding solutions to my 'knotty' problems. These solutions really caused me some 'headaches' and diving me into 'dilemmas'. I do not wish to use her solutions (thought its too big a problem for me; in a way too 'hard' for me to do so).
I know I am the 'soft-hearted' person and just can't bring myself to do such things though its the very right thing to do .................but I just cannot bring myself to even say it out, I mean to tell the persons involved. Am I too timid or what ? Scare ?. Actually I am feeling bad even before I tell them about my solutions or rather throw back these 'knotty problems' at them. Its a real 'sticky' knotty' problem. Somewhat feeling 'uneasy' to do so.....
Its very ironical: in a way I have wanted to solve these 'knotty' problems and now my close friend (CF) has found the solutions for me and I am wishy-washy.
Ya, I am too undecisive when it comes to 'big circumstances'.
Other people can be mean to me; can treat me like 'transparent'; taking advantage of my 'meekness' and I didn't even breathe a word about it. Come to think of it, am I naive ? or trying to act blur ? or I am just being too kind.
No matter how, I just wish that things would improve and turn out better for us - be it myself or the other party. After all we areclose relatives - I do not wish to be so 'ruthless' though to other people its getting my rights correct.
Now my worries is that my CF would be furious to know that I just leave things as it is. I do not know how to face my CF though I am thankful to her for trying to help me solve the problems.
My so-called close friend has been trying to help me finding solutions to my 'knotty' problems. These solutions really caused me some 'headaches' and diving me into 'dilemmas'. I do not wish to use her solutions (thought its too big a problem for me; in a way too 'hard' for me to do so).
I know I am the 'soft-hearted' person and just can't bring myself to do such things though its the very right thing to do .................but I just cannot bring myself to even say it out, I mean to tell the persons involved. Am I too timid or what ? Scare ?. Actually I am feeling bad even before I tell them about my solutions or rather throw back these 'knotty problems' at them. Its a real 'sticky' knotty' problem. Somewhat feeling 'uneasy' to do so.....
Its very ironical: in a way I have wanted to solve these 'knotty' problems and now my close friend (CF) has found the solutions for me and I am wishy-washy.
Ya, I am too undecisive when it comes to 'big circumstances'.
Other people can be mean to me; can treat me like 'transparent'; taking advantage of my 'meekness' and I didn't even breathe a word about it. Come to think of it, am I naive ? or trying to act blur ? or I am just being too kind.
No matter how, I just wish that things would improve and turn out better for us - be it myself or the other party. After all we areclose relatives - I do not wish to be so 'ruthless' though to other people its getting my rights correct.
Now my worries is that my CF would be furious to know that I just leave things as it is. I do not know how to face my CF though I am thankful to her for trying to help me solve the problems.
Tuesday, 26 February 2013
A friend and me
Met up with RC during lunchtime. She is going away for further studies - am happy for her in a way. In my heart, I am wishing her all the best and be successful in her studies and future career.
She is a nice girl - easy going - in her early 20s' - quite mature for her age in the way she talks and carries herself - and looks elegant at times (hmm hmm). Good in her PR too (that's what I feel).
Looking back at my own self when I was her age - what have I done ? Regrettably - nothing much maybe nothing at all (sad right?). (Actually, its different era - think it cannot be compared).
Sigh.. you know (or rather I know) ..(my) life is full of regrets as at this moment.....
Now, back to current: I have not been feeling well for the past 2 weeks - didn't take MCs - struggling with my 'overflowing' workload. Felt like 'collapsing' this afternoon - was feeling a bit unwell but continue to 'slog my head off'. Come to think of it; should have taken some MCs to rest (not sure why I am torturing myself like that). Well, this will get over soon.
Must really take care of myself - have always been telling myself. Nobody will care about you - whether you are sick or what - (your colleagues won't be bother about it; your boss won't be bother about it. )(Put yourself before work but it always turn out the other way round).
Just hoping I could sleep well tonight and recover my health very soon.
She is a nice girl - easy going - in her early 20s' - quite mature for her age in the way she talks and carries herself - and looks elegant at times (hmm hmm). Good in her PR too (that's what I feel).
Looking back at my own self when I was her age - what have I done ? Regrettably - nothing much maybe nothing at all (sad right?). (Actually, its different era - think it cannot be compared).
Sigh.. you know (or rather I know) ..(my) life is full of regrets as at this moment.....
Now, back to current: I have not been feeling well for the past 2 weeks - didn't take MCs - struggling with my 'overflowing' workload. Felt like 'collapsing' this afternoon - was feeling a bit unwell but continue to 'slog my head off'. Come to think of it; should have taken some MCs to rest (not sure why I am torturing myself like that). Well, this will get over soon.
Must really take care of myself - have always been telling myself. Nobody will care about you - whether you are sick or what - (your colleagues won't be bother about it; your boss won't be bother about it. )(Put yourself before work but it always turn out the other way round).
Just hoping I could sleep well tonight and recover my health very soon.
Friday, 8 February 2013
'Boss' at home
I not only have a boss at work but also have a boss at home.
This person really doesn't know where she stands. This person to me is an outsider but staying in my house. I don't like it but it can't be helped. I have my 'difficulties'.
This person always took herself as part of our family and likes to meddle in our home affairs be it as a family or individual. She even want to tell me what to do. She is too much. What a 'pain in the neck'.
How can I be happy or feel free with such a person hovering around my house and around me.
Am just waiting for this person to disappear/ to leave my house. Am waiting for that day to come soon !
This person really doesn't know where she stands. This person to me is an outsider but staying in my house. I don't like it but it can't be helped. I have my 'difficulties'.
This person always took herself as part of our family and likes to meddle in our home affairs be it as a family or individual. She even want to tell me what to do. She is too much. What a 'pain in the neck'.
How can I be happy or feel free with such a person hovering around my house and around me.
Am just waiting for this person to disappear/ to leave my house. Am waiting for that day to come soon !
Tuesday, 15 January 2013
'Work abuse'
Of late, I felt that I am being 'work abuse' by my bosses. Right, there are nice bosses around but there are also the not so nice ones and the selfish ones.
Why do I say that ? This is not the first time this kind of things happened to me. I regret that I didn't stop it from happening in the beginning. Yes, all because I am a 'yes' person - everything also yes, also can (without considering the pros and cons).
In the end, I just stressed up myself (well, I am a very easily 'stressed' person).
What this boss has asked me to do is an 'uneasy and unpleasant' task. It would be much easier if he could do it on his own but he has landed the 'job' on me. I am in a 'complex' situation now.
SIGH !!!
(sorry I can't specify what 'task' is this because there might be people reading my blog and one of them could be my this boss and he would know its me)!
And then there is another boss who would ask me to do things not only for him but also for everyone else - Sigh again but this task is considered easier than the earlier one though its cumbersome and time consuming.
Well, life is not to feel miserable anyway - that's what I read in Arvind's blog.
Must learn to be positive and optimistic - that's what I am lacking in - will bucked up ! YES Man !
Yes, tomorrow will be better :)
Why do I say that ? This is not the first time this kind of things happened to me. I regret that I didn't stop it from happening in the beginning. Yes, all because I am a 'yes' person - everything also yes, also can (without considering the pros and cons).
In the end, I just stressed up myself (well, I am a very easily 'stressed' person).
What this boss has asked me to do is an 'uneasy and unpleasant' task. It would be much easier if he could do it on his own but he has landed the 'job' on me. I am in a 'complex' situation now.
SIGH !!!
(sorry I can't specify what 'task' is this because there might be people reading my blog and one of them could be my this boss and he would know its me)!
And then there is another boss who would ask me to do things not only for him but also for everyone else - Sigh again but this task is considered easier than the earlier one though its cumbersome and time consuming.
Well, life is not to feel miserable anyway - that's what I read in Arvind's blog.
Must learn to be positive and optimistic - that's what I am lacking in - will bucked up ! YES Man !
Yes, tomorrow will be better :)
Tuesday, 1 January 2013
Difference in living
Today is the first day of New Year 2013.
Happy and Wonderful New Year ! (hopefully it will be).
I recalled some of my past year's experiences:
Ever since 'these people' moved into my house; I hardly had a day on my own (that means alone at home). Even on weekends when I was not working and on public holidays when I were at home, it does not feel the same anymore (compared to when I was living with my parents and then alone on my own for a short period).
I have lost my privacy in the house - even when I was in my bedroom alone; 'people' just walked in and out of my room freely - yea, I should have set some house rules in the very beginning when 'these people' moved into my house. Though I am quite an 'easy' person; but still need my privacy. Thinking when AND WHEN would I have my privacy back - that feelings really SUCKS.
Prayed that with the New Year, I would have more happiness, more braveness, more healthiness, more peacefulness, more cheerfulness to live my life...
Happy and Wonderful New Year ! (hopefully it will be).
I recalled some of my past year's experiences:
Ever since 'these people' moved into my house; I hardly had a day on my own (that means alone at home). Even on weekends when I was not working and on public holidays when I were at home, it does not feel the same anymore (compared to when I was living with my parents and then alone on my own for a short period).
I have lost my privacy in the house - even when I was in my bedroom alone; 'people' just walked in and out of my room freely - yea, I should have set some house rules in the very beginning when 'these people' moved into my house. Though I am quite an 'easy' person; but still need my privacy. Thinking when AND WHEN would I have my privacy back - that feelings really SUCKS.
Prayed that with the New Year, I would have more happiness, more braveness, more healthiness, more peacefulness, more cheerfulness to live my life...
Saturday, 22 December 2012
Reflections
Its Christmas time. How time flies...
Remembered someone told me some months ago that she is not going to buy gifts for someone during this Christmas season. I took her words for real because she has valid reasons for doing so.
Until yesterday, then I realised I was wrong...I simply believed her words for it and there she is -giving that someone a gift. I was not angry but 'surprise' and felt that I just take people's words for granted. I just trust her too easily. Felt like I am 'being conned' emotionally.
Human beings may change as and when they like it. So what's something which she had said she would not be doing many months ago and now she is going back on her own words hmm.
Perhaps during these recent months, their friendship has 'increased' without my knowledge. Well I also do not wish to interfere with others' affairs - what they want to do; what they want to say.
The lesson I have learnt: Do not believe 100 percent in what people said (unless that person is v. close to you) - even so, they can change their minds any time they want any time they like.
Do not be other people's 'victim' in any situation. Must be careful !
I just find that I am 'gullible' at most times - remembered someone told me that many years ago and she was the one who has made me 'gullible' to believe in everything she has done. I was full of regrets after that ! I lost my trust in her anyway.
Life is SIMPLE, its just not easy.
Remembered someone told me some months ago that she is not going to buy gifts for someone during this Christmas season. I took her words for real because she has valid reasons for doing so.
Until yesterday, then I realised I was wrong...I simply believed her words for it and there she is -giving that someone a gift. I was not angry but 'surprise' and felt that I just take people's words for granted. I just trust her too easily. Felt like I am 'being conned' emotionally.
Human beings may change as and when they like it. So what's something which she had said she would not be doing many months ago and now she is going back on her own words hmm.
Perhaps during these recent months, their friendship has 'increased' without my knowledge. Well I also do not wish to interfere with others' affairs - what they want to do; what they want to say.
The lesson I have learnt: Do not believe 100 percent in what people said (unless that person is v. close to you) - even so, they can change their minds any time they want any time they like.
Do not be other people's 'victim' in any situation. Must be careful !
I just find that I am 'gullible' at most times - remembered someone told me that many years ago and she was the one who has made me 'gullible' to believe in everything she has done. I was full of regrets after that ! I lost my trust in her anyway.
Life is SIMPLE, its just not easy.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)