True colours

Lately there have been some changes in the office.

Noticed that my colleague 1 whom I sort of admired her has started to change her attitude towards me.
She told me off in a “nice” way but I felt quite “sad” that she is starting to show her true colours.

It is due to the fact that there will be some changes in her job and mine starting next year.

Just this morning we were talking about some work. I asked my colleague 2 to send the email but she asked me to send it instead. I then asked colleague 1 to send. She answered that it doesn’t mean she is capable she has to do everything.

I was “shocked” to hear it and do not know how to answer her. I just know that she has changed.

Well all along I have been treating her so nice but now colleague 1 is treating me differently from before.

Siiiigh.....

The other day when she was complaining about the other colleague, I started to sense that she is going to show her true colours.  True enough it happened today again.

I find that she is “too full of herself” now and I was disheartened.

I just hope and pray that everything will be fine for me with the 2 of them for now till Jan next year.

Ya just like S said if really cannot stand the work stress retire early.

For me, it is more of colleagues problems than work stress.

I have shared the incident with F today.

Taking advantage

Lately I have been feeling depressed.
I noticed that my junior staff and me were “drifting apart”.
She is treating me more and more like I am invisible.

These few years she Always like to ‘pick on me’ as though I am her subordinate.

I regretted that all along I have been treating her nicely and she always hurt my pride or rather self esteem. I have been tolerating her attitude problems these few years.

The only reason I can think of her being so rude to me is that I am being too kind.

She just thought that she is the boss or what.  Wow really can’t stand her.

In the very beginning I should not have confirmed her for this job since she was always late for work and taking Long lunch.  Now she has gradually improved and I have given her good appraisal.

She also doesn’t know how to appreciate.  It’s like throwing gold into the “Long Kow”.

All because I am too kind to her and now I really regretted.

My Friend told me dun bother with her but sometimes I retialated in my own ways when she provokes me when I am moody and I regretted my own actions.

I didn’t show good testimony as a Christian.  May I forgive her as God forgives me.

Amen!

Things have changed

Right this was what I thought so…

Ah B ‘said’ me directly in the face yesterday. I was taken aback but hoped that I didn’t show it.

Lately she has changed her style in the office. She talked and laughed carefree. Not sure if she was influenced by the ‘someone’.

I also observed that she and ah A were ‘talking’ secretly using their hand phones.  A few times I felt like telling the ‘someone’ that the 2 of them were good friends behind the scene.  Not sure if she sensed it.

Aiyoh don’t be k poh.  She will not thank you.

I already sensed it previously when ah A always so concerned about ah B and always follow her wherever she goes.

Aiyah mind my own business.

Anyway I have always been kind to these 3 people especially ah B.  Hope she Will always remember.

是。。。要👀开一点哦。。。

Things have changed people have changed and I think I am more or less the same ...sad...

I need to change too...my attitude my perspective my everything if can.

Need to go to bed now.

Yes I am catching up with my old friends tomorrow. Hope we will have a good time :)

Emotional and sensitive

Have been feeling very emotional recently.

Maybe because my oldest Nephew had undergone a major life changing experience. Sympathised with him very much.

His mum must have felt very saddened.

Yes he’s a brave guy. He has accepted the fact and is coping quite well. It’s a relief.

I was quiet in the office.  My staff just leave me along. They chit chat and laughed and seemed to treat me as invisible.  Sigh...

The other thing was that I felt that RC and I have drifted apart since we didn’t get to have lunch fellowship for 2 weeks or more.

Maybe I have been feeling emotional and very sensitive as lately the memories of my unhappy past experiences between my colleagues and me kept ‘floating up’ in my mind. I really felt so down and lonely with those memories fogging my brain.

Come on, let go of all negative thoughts and move on.

Putting all these aside, I am touched that my Long time Friend has encouraged me when I told her of my fears at work.

Yes and there is the ‘N’ ...I spoke to him over the phone lately and found out that he is very gentle and friendly over the phone.  I was ‘touched’ and almost fall in love with him. No wonder someone was attracted to him previously.

Okay, stop day dreaming.  Keep moving on and learn to be thankful and joyful.

No problem is bigger than God.

Yes yes yes !!!

Some disappointments

Early this week I was asking my colleague if I can put her name in my out of office notifications for assistance but she said no.

I was taken aback......felt a bit hurt and disappointed with her answer.

I asked the 'small one' and she gave me the same answer.....felt disappointed again.

Come to think of it, I had always acceded to their requests every now and then...and here they were telling me 'no' straight in my face.....both of them really 'singing in the same tune'.

???

Well, its ok....what goes round will come round (I heard someone said this phrase previously).

I think it will.

Actually I do not need to ask them,  I could be just like my bosses (they don't ask and just go ahead with it)- always put my name in their email notifications where I really may not be of much help ! I just accept it with 'no regrets'.

...........................................................................................................................................

This evening while having dinner with my mum and younger bro; my mum scooped some soup for my bro and asked me to help myself.

Felt a bit awkward or hurt (told myself not to be sensitive or angry - this is not the first time).

There was some mixed feelings when this thing happened but I try not to think so much.
Anyway my mum is already getting on with age and yet she still behaves like this.

When he's hungry she will cook instant noodles for him but when I was hungry I had to cook it myself.

My bro and me are already adults and here my mum is still showing her favouritism.

Good that I am independent ...no need to depend everything on my mum.

Yes, good !

Taken for granted

My so-called friend told me 2 weeks ago that she will have lunch with me after she is back from leave.

I think she forgotten when she returned from leave and didn't say anything to me.

Yesterday she wanted to have lunch with me but I already have a prior appointment.

I suggested the next day and she said will confirm with me again.

Today when I checked with her, she said will lunch with me this coming Friday.  I said OK.

Felt a bit depressed that we were unable to have lunch today.

After some thoughts, felt that she is not sincere enough.....felt like she just said for 'f'un' or rather just

敷衍了事.

I felt 'cheated'..I am looking forward towards the lunch catch-up but......siiiiiigh...

(actually I already trying not to think about this 'fallen' friendship but recently every now and then she will said something to me making my hopes 'high'.  Sometimes I  felt like I am a 'ball' and she just spin me (the ball) around using the tip of her index finger).

This afternoon was frustrated with my pc monitor giving me some 'headaches' again...lately it keeps causing some resolutions problems and I have to keep calling the IT guys.

Its a old monitor and my office or rather the person in charge is not going to change it !

After the problem was solved over the phone, I just don't feel like talking the whole afternoon when my other colleagues were happily talking away.  They did notice that I am moody.

I felt like banging table and chair.  Went to the toilet to 'scream it out'.

Nearing end of the work day, my colleague emailed me to say she will order a new monitor for me.

What ! for a moment it needs 'somebody' approval and another moment anyone can just approve it.

On the way home was thinking about the day's happenings.  I was frustrated not only because of the 'koyat' monitor but also of what my so-called friend had done to me.

All these 'pen-up' emotions and frustrations causing me to feeling moody the whole of the late afternoon.

Missing her ...

Somewhere in mid August, she asked me to lunch together for once. I agreed.

We didn't talked anything in specific.

The week after she asked me for lunch again and I had lunch with her.  One time only that week.

One week later, I asked her for lunch but she said her superior was giving them a lunch treat.
She suggested the next day but I have appointment and I said next week which is this week.

Met her this morning at common area and neither of us ask each other to go for lunch.

In the afternoon, met her again in public area and she asked what I ate for lunch.  I answered her question but did not ask her what she ate.

For the past week, I still feel emotional whenever I thought of our times together before we got 'drifted apart'.

I was feeling moody again.  Why I just can't get over her and kept thinking of how caring she had been to me during the period when I had undergone surgery.  Why the change now ?

I really don't know the reasons or am I being too dumb ?

If I had done something wrong to her, she would have told me off.

Is she sick of me already ?  or she has her 'difficulties' ?

What about the promises she said to me in the very beginning ?

Have she clean forgotten about it ?

I have put too much trust and affections in this friendship and in her and that's why now I am feeling 'very depressed' and disappointed in her.

Why is she giving me the cold shoulders and sometimes seemed to be  'half hot half cold'.  That's how I felt about her.

I don't think she has any personal problems or work problems and I 'caught' her talking happily with colleagues from other depts.

Its just me that she doesn't want to talk much to (that's my perceptions).

Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh

I have been wanting to buy small gifts for her for the past 2-3 weeks but I was worried she might reject it.

btw I bought Ricola sweets for her 2 weeks ago and she bought me a stalk of flower (cloth one) in return.

Today during lunch time, I bought some apples and 2 small packs of Ferrero Rocher to give to a few of my colleagues and I left one pack of Ferrero  on her desk.  She wasn't around but other colleagues were around. Not sure if she would ask them who left it on her desk.

Probably she would have thought someone else has bought it for her.  I don't think I am going to tell her unless she mentioned it.

I told myself I want to be happy even without her company but I just cannot 'put it down'.

I missed her you know (not sure if she feels the same) ?

Since things have come to such, I think it won't do me any good if I kept thinking of her and the past.

Its all over ? is it ?  Yes or maybe.