If time can be turned back

If - time can be turned back - I would do better than I did now....

I would have talked more to my family members, understand their needs and treated them nicer; and not to have so much regrets now for the things which I didn't do for them when they were around.

Its only after they are gone, that I realised that I have not treated them nicer when they were alive.

Perhaps at that time I was younger.  I was not sensible enough.  I was not matured then.  Did not see the big picture.

There were misunderstandings in between too.

If I had read more books then, have more friends then, things may turn out differently...and I will not have soooo much regrets !

When I see couples holding hands, holding their kids, kids kissing their parents - I really envied them - wished I am the one in the picture !

Wished I had gotten married and not staying single.

Maybe I was too choosy back then thinking I may get a better deal if I missed this one.

Maybe I really didn't get to meet the one I should.

If not, I would have kids, maybe big kids now and living a happily married life. Even if I ended up in divorce, at least I had gotten married, had honey-mooned, had sex, had baby and all other things which couples do together....

Should also have learnt driving, cycling and swimming when I was younger.

Well its still not late to learn driving, cycling and swimming now if I really wanted to.

Should also have job hopped when I was younger then and not stayed on one job for sooooo long.

I should have pursued my dream job when I first started out, but somehow due to no confidence, I gave up.

Well, most of the things whether I liked it or not, its being done. There is no turning back now..too late..

Sad to say but that's it. Why so much regrets ? 

That's my life.....

Grumpy, disappointed..

Think age is catching up.

Have been very grumpy lately.

Grumbled about my mother, my brother and so forth.

Sigh.......................................

Some of my friends thought I am a nice person...yeah I look like one but in actual fact, I am not.

Disappointed ?

Come to think of it - I am a selfish person !

Yes, I am quite generous towards my family - they want money from me, I give; they borrow money from me, I give, they did not return me the money - I never or hardly ask them for it.

Yet, sometimes they would tell others that I am stingy !

Of course, I am unhappy when I heard this !

If, if I am stingy - I would not have lend them the money or rather give them the money they need.

I think I am the only one in the family who have lent money to a few of my siblings.

They thought I am rich just because I am single.

I also need to survive - need to work need to eat need to pay rental, pay phone bills, need to buy things for myself and have to support my mother who stays with me !

Only now, after so many years, that I realised being nice or generous does not pay at all.

These people always take things for GRANTED.

'Someone'

Have been busy this week.

Have had a light day this afternoon at work though I made a small blunder at office.

I have unknowingly involved my 'enemy' until she came by and asked why I told XXX that she has the 'thing' XXX wanted.

I did answered her briefly and in not a confident tone.

She is a 'high handed' person.  Have experienced it a number of times.

Now, Ah B and she have became good friends.

Yah, times changed - people changed - Myself did not changed much.

I have been quite sensitive lately especially towards that 'someone'.

I don't know why ?

Whenever 'someone' talked to other people in the office - I became sensitive - I don't like it when 'someone' is friendly to others. Maybe I am jealous.  Maybe I am self centred ?

Yah, I must remember one thing:  'someone' does not belongs to me alone, right ?

Remembered that that 'someone' told me the few people 'it' does not like but then have treated them so nicely; nicer to them than to me sometimes.

??

Not sure if 'someone' is treating me sincerely  or  just thinking that I am 'naive' or I am a nerd.

Sigh....

I really do not know how to 'see' people !

Just recalled something

I am ironing my clothes and my mind ran into some past events.

Remembered about the domestic worker who stayed in our house for a period of time.

She looked nice at first. Good at talking and cooking.

There was one day the OL told me that she packed rice for 'someone' without asking. Its when she was asked why then she said she wanted to let this guy try her cooking!

She should have the courtesy to ask first before bringing our food to her so called friend/s.

Its more like she is the boss.

I was quite fed up with her when I was told about her attitude.

If she wants to cook for her friend she can jolly well use her own money to buy the food and cook for him. Then we will have no say.

The best thing is she even made use of her boss to do it for her!

Don't know what to say.

New Challenges

I am expecting some new challenges at work.

Have been a worry wart for the past few weeks.

Worried that I may not be able to cope with this new challenge.

To be more accurate, there is some reshuffling of duties at my workplace.

I would be expected to take up a bigger portion of work responsibilities due to these changes.

Just afraid/worried that I may not be able to handle this new 'challenge'.

Ya, I am always a 'worry wart' - just can't stop worrying though I know more than half the time the things you worried about will not happen 1

Come on, just face it whether I worried or not, or like it or not....

Yes, wishing myself all the best in whatever I do !

God is my present help ! Praise the Lord !

You are never alone. Trust Him to be an ever-present help.

And the Lord said, My Presence shall go with you, and I will give you rest. Exodus 33:14 (AMP)

Frustrations

Everytime I buy meals for the OL, she will say anything is fine. Sometimes I knew she does not like the food I bought by eating v slowly. If not she will make some comments.

If she prefers home cooked food, she can just cook for herself and not wait for me to buy food for her to her dislikes.

Just a while ago her married son called her to ask if she has food at home.  Its as though he does not know she has stopped cooking for some time already.

He worked late today...too tired to get food for himself.  Guess what..his mum readily went to buy dinner for him.

I really don't understand. Can't he just pack his own dinner on the way instead of bothering his mum? 

Poor me..I have to pack dinner for this OL almost everyday till I am almost 'drained out'.

Siiiiigh.

What to do: a 24 filial type of mother instead of the son. 😠

Mistakes

I find that if I made mistakes, I have had done it in a row.

Why people made mistakes? is it because of stress? or due to tiredness?

Well for me, its sometimes due to carelessness. Sometimes its stress.

I am scared after making mistakes. The thing is to correct things or make it straight.

I made mistakes in making wrong decisions.

Sigh....