Feeling moody

Sigh..don't know why...I am feeling moody this afternoon.

Noticed my colleague disappeared from her desk for more than half an hour...

As  for me, I am busy 'playing' with my computer (I meant reading office emails, replying emails etc).

I felt bored as in everyone in the office has something to do - be it making personal calls, logging to facebook, searching for something they want blah blah blah.

Me think its only me always stuck in front of my pc.

I really don't know...maybe I am getting tired of my work or with my colleagues !

You know what...some people habitually report for work 15-30 mins almost everyday and what - they always leave the office on the dot !

I just felt that I am a 'loser' sometimes - as in loser to those people !

Another thing I am getting tired of lunching with this friend almost daily. 
She treats me nicely but I just feel 'pressurised' sometime.

She is very good in her work and well liked by everyone in the workplace whereas me - a complete opposite of hers !

Come on please do not think negative okay ?

Yes will try my best.

Cheer up man.

Today is the day

Yes! its today.

My so-called friend turned the table over me.  That's it.

Of course I feel ...have had a mixture of feelings and emotions.

I didn't expect her to be so 'ruthless' in her reply to my message I sent her today.

She has somehow indirectly put an end to our so-called 'friendship'.

You know from the beginning I have been asking myself:
Is she 'real' to me or is she just making use of me ?

All this while when we were together, she has been trying and testing my patience every now and then and I have always tolerated her until last friday - the same thing happened again.

I did not reply to her message that day.  I kept quiet.

I really dunno what to say..'ji-cha'.

Until today, I somehow have seen her 'true colours'.

She can be so nice infront of everyone and yet only I, yes only I knew that she has an 'ugly' side of the face.

Will other people believe that she is 'ugly' ?

Sigh...what can I do ?

Of course....

I think it will take a week or so for me to get over this incident.  Yes, I am a very emotional person or rather sometimes 感情用事。

Come on, I have to forget about all the unhappiness between she and me.  Its over.

Keep moving on... life still goes on even without she.

Honestly speaking, I was living quite well until she came and 'disrupted' my life !
That's what I felt.

Yep, this is what has happened to me today !

Good luck next time.

My GF...

Just realised today that my
GF is really very naggy.
For a small matter she can keep harping on it whenever she finds the chance.

Really cannot tahan her today.

Heard her calling her 'enemy' female boss as 'pretty lady'.

Think she has double standards.

Sigh....

Just before lunch she keeps telling me about her work 'problems'. Felt very vex. I don't even have a chance to share my woes.

She is sort of controlling the 'situation'.

Sigh.

Being "made use' of

I am feeling moody today.

Actually it did not started today.  It was a few days back.

My so called friend was not in a good mood.  She told me about what happened at work and I sort of 'sympathize' with her.

She was very unhappy as well as 'depressed'.

The next day, I asked her how things are. She was still 'mulling' over that same matter but I felt that she just overstate the matter.

At end of that day, I whatsapp her to say 'good night'.  She didn't reply me. I knew she read my message.  Maybe she was upset with me also. 

I told myself that I will not say 'good night' to her again though when she was in good mood she will always say 'good night' to me.

Yesterday my another group of friends were asking whether want to go for a short trip in the next 1-2 months.

One of them replied that they sort of have a plan to go to country 'M' for 2 nights and whatsapp to ask who is interested.

Very soon, already 4 of them were interested and 2 of us have not replied. I was half hearted, not sure want to join them or not.

This morning the 5th person replied to say unable to join as have something on.

I then replied to say I am not joining. No one tries to persuade me to go.  Sigh.

They already have 4 paxs - 2 sharing a room - just nice - 2 rooms - 4 paxs.

If I join in, it will be an odd number.

I felt sort of disappointed in this group of friends.  Previously when they go tour, and short of one pax, they will ask me to 'chip in'. Now they have 4 of them to make 2 pairs  and thats it.
Can't even bother to ask me why not joining them.....siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh.

I realised that maybe I am just their 'spare tyre' or rather 'spare kaki'....so sad...:(

Was I being 'made use' of ??  Sounds pathetic right?

Maybe I am just 'too sensitive'.

Anyway I have been thinking of 'withdrawing' from their 'tour group'.

Previously when I joined them for free and easy tour or packaged tour, our so-called 'team leader' will pair me with the most 'lo so' person to share room.  When we went out, the 'team leader' is always in 'a rush' - walking so far ahead of us and will hardly take cab and will always walk to our destinations or take bus/mrt.

I can say that out of the many of us, the 'team leader' is the richest of all !

I just feel that when we go tour, we should just enjoy ourselves - don't bother about money. If we have money to travel, we should also have money to buy nice food there and eat and take cabs as at least 3-4 of us will be sharing the cab fares.

Aiyah, its just as well....at least this time round I can have some 'peaceful' time to me alone.

Happenings in the office

This week has been an eventful week.

Have received some bad feedback from the staff yesterday.  Thought I have been doing my best and worked hard enough and who knows I got to get all these 'nonsense'.

Was quite upset when I heard about the feedback. 

Come to think about it, my documentations has some 'loop-holes'.  Will have to improve on that.

It seems that bad things do come all at one go.

Have encountered another work problem.  Have ordered some stuff for the office last week.  This is to replenish the stock. The staff there said will deliver the stock sometime middle of this week.

Just realised today is the last working day of the week and there is no sight of any delivery.

Called up the company and found out that my order was somehow not registered.  Asked this staff who took my call to help expedite the delivery and somehow the delivery was arranged for this late afternoon. 

This 'out of stock' issue had caused some 'hoo-ha's' and I was almost at a loss on how to handle it.

My colleague had offered to help to talk to the supplier earlier on but I somehow rejected as its my responsibility to solve this issue.

She said I should be firm and trying to tell me how I should handle this kind of situation.  I know that I am just too soft hearted sometimes or maybe most of the times.  I am not as firm as her but I shall improve on this. Of course she is so much vocal than me.

Thank God with the help of the staff of the supplier, things got settled down.

At end of work day, the staff are wishing each other Happy New Year.  My colleague had wished me some nice greetings.  Not only to me, she wished almost all staff she knows.

I do not why when one of the staff was wishing her and they both were exchanging wishes and tapping on each other shoulders - I stood opposite them and keep looking at them.  I should not have done that but somehow I only realised it  until the happenings ended.

The staff whom I also know her did not wish me when walking out of the office but I took the initiatives and wished her instead.

What's wrong with me huh ? I felt like I am a 'goon goon' watching them exchanged wishes.

My this colleague is very friendly to her superiors and almost all the staff in the office. 

Some people thought we are good friends but I myself am not sure about this.  As I have mentioned she is friendly towards anyone in the office.

Sigh I do not think I can be as friendly as her.  I have a 'fierce' look though.

An insensible rude being

I am getting very frustrated at work today and yesterday.

There is this 'crazy lala'  staff  who really made me jumped at my nerves.

She makes fun of me frequently for the past 2 days.  Its okay - I thought she is just playing.

She can really provokes people especially when I was feeling moody yesterday.  Almost yelled at her.

My 'good friend' told me to just ignore her. No need to talk back at her or get provoked by her.

Its not easy for me.  She's really a hard nut to crack and so insensible.

Put aside the seniority at workplace, age wise she is also more junior than me.

Today, I accidentally called her the wrong name (I think I said sorry) (really can't remember as age catching up) and a short while later she threw temper. 

She threw a file on the table.

A colleague asked her why she threw temper and she said because I called her the wrong name.

I reacted (I should not have) and said who is perfect and not made mistake.

'Qi-cha' - not sure what she will come out with tomorrow ?

If she still behaves like this to me, I am going to ask her why ?  Can I ?

Not sure if this is the best plan ?

Not sure why she always does this to me ? I don't think I have done her any wrong ?

I also do not have a good temper - gets agitated easily.

She really made my evening a very bad evening - I can't even talked patiently to my mum !

Almost vents my anger on my poor mum !  All because of this crazy lalaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

Really don't know what's wrong with her ???????????????

Really spoilt my mood and my day today.

Dear Heavenly Father
Please forgive me. 
I should not have thrown temper on my poor mum this evening just because I am in a bad mood caused by my this 'crazy' colleague.
I shouldn't be provoked by her but I was.  I really felt so mad that I can eat her up.
Why must she did this to me ? I almost yelled at her this afternoon.
Please forgive me. Help me to forgive her and love her.
Help her to change to be nicer to me and I to be more patient with her.
Thank you for listening to my prayer.
In Jesus' name I prayed...Amen

Feeling of misgivings

I felt disappointed with my so called 'friend'.

She passed a 'special gift' to her so-called 'enemy' in the office with me around first thing in the morning yesterday.

I was caught by 'surprise'.  I felt like saying something to her "how come I don't have" but I  'swallowed' the words down my throat and kept quiet.

Lately this 'friend' has been treating this colleague nicely such that I am beginning to feel jealous of her or rather unhappy with this 'f'.

Well people in the office have been thinking we are close friends but she is treating others more nicely than me.

Yeah, she treated me nicely too but its not as nice as to the way she is treating 'e'.

What I hate (may the word 'hate' is too strong - I don't like to say it too) is that this 'f' told me previously that 'e' is so full of herself and she does not like her and now she is treating 'e' so nice.

This action of hers made me very pissed off.  Why she said one thing and then did another thing ?
Why?

This is the part that I don't like about her ('f'). I felt that she 出尔反尔！

I have been upset about this happening. Why I feel this way - am I really jealous of 'e' or angry with 'f' ?

For some moments, I felt like 'f' has cheated me.  All her negative opinions of 'e' which she told me was just a 'say say' only and I have taken it so 'seriously'.

I was upset over this incidence.  When I recalled about this incident today - I cried.  Why?

This is not the first time she is treating 'e' so nicely.

I think I am treating 'f' as a friend but how about her ???

Maybe I am expecting 'f' would treat me better since I am her 'friend' but who knows what she is thinking!

Now I am beginning to question myself : right in the beginning is she treating me as a friend or just a colleague though people thought we are 'good friends' ?

Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh...

Before she came, I was living 'peacefully'.  Now somehow she has 'disrupted' my quiet life.

Well... come on please 不要想太多 ok ?

Life still has to go on...