Relative's problems; my problems ?

My close relative wanted to get a loan from me again; just slightly more than a month ago than the previous time.

Sure, I was annoyed and ignored her sms. Two days later, she text me to ask if I receive her earlier text.
I replied to her quite unpleasantly but agreed to lend her the money provided she really return me. (I am soft hearted in a sense). She said she and her family has BIG problems and they are going to sell their flat !

She mentioned she will return me the loan after the transaction and really appreciated my help.
Hope that she is sincere in saying those words and not just empty promises. (Actually all along I have not really believed in the stories she told me why she needed money BUT I still lend to her). SIGH ..

At home, my 'in-house' relative also has financial problems - why so many problems - though not my problems directly but they really weigh me down; disturb my emotions; feeling down.....like tonight I really feel very moo moo.  Sigh - why do I have so many of this kind of relatives - always broke - always owing ppl money ! why ?

Really 'peck-chieck'.

Back to my own self; have been thinking of my sweet angel again - just can't forget her as hard as I tried. Whenever I passed by her office building; I wish I could bump into her but I didn't. Am I crazy ?

Have also been thinking alot of the past (my life in 1-2 decades ago) - how I have let go lots of 'golden' opportunities - how I just let the chances slipped away -  really have lots of regrets and thoughts ! Why again ?  How much I wish time could be turned backwards and I could have those chances; opportunities again and I would have cling to them and hug them !

Me really really reg_ _ _ .  Wish to get over all these past events and start life afresh. :-)

My Day

I have done something 'stupid' today.  I really regretted it and hope that the person involved would be forgiving towards me and I think she will.

I might have hurt her by saying those words. She is my elder but I was kind of rude to her by saying those words to her.  She meant well and concerned by buying a cake for my birthday but somehow I told her off.  I felt bad after this incident.  Hope she will forgive me my rudeness.

Well, she has treated her family and close relatives well but how about me ?

I felt so embarassed for myself ! I am not thankful though I have been reading about thankfulness almost daily.

I am such a jerk ...believe me.

Holidays

Just returned from a few days trip (with my family) to our neighbour country.

Didn't really enjoy the trip because I felt that I don't click with some people. I said to myself that I am not going out with them again.

Have spent quite a sum of money on transport and accommodation for everyone 'being forced' to pay.  Was not happy with it in the beginning but began to 'cool off' eventually.

By right, going on holidays should enjoy one self but I don't really.  Maybe I am petty or maybe I really don't enjoyed 'some ppl' company.

Sigh.............

Hope I could go on trips which I really enjoy myself. Wish I dare to travel alone !

Life

Was feeling frustrated this morning and I vented some of it on my mum; thought its more of a complaint rather than venting my frustration or maybe a mixture of both.

I felt bad after I did that to my mum.  I know I shouldn't have but already done it.  Hope this won't happen again.

Since I have agreed to pay for the trip for the family, I shouldn't have any regrets or frustrations.  The reason why I am 'pek chek' is because of accumulating pent-ups like anger and frustrations. Sometimes felt that my bro should concentrate more of his work than 'play' and be more worried about the bacon he could bought home for the family rather than spending time pursuing his hobbies (just think that he is not worried about the living expenses; well he is still young - if one job is not enough to sustain the household expenses; he should take up another part time job to complement the income but he takes it easy). That's where I am worried.

Maybe my worries is uncalled for.  Sigh....

Come on, I think I just have to let go; I can't be putting my set of thinking on my bro's head.
Why not be happy rather than 'moo-moo' ? Life still has to go on.

Remembered I read somewhere in a finance blog : "We do not live to eat and make money.  We eat and make money to be able to live. This is what life means and what life is for."

Well that's quite true !

Trip planning results

Supposed to feel happy as our family is planning to go for a short trip in Malaysia in a week's time.  Somewhere things happen in the process of booking the trip and I was unhappy and frustrated about it.
I even threw temper at my bro who is the one incharge of planning the trip and me is the one who will pay for the trip.

Actually him and me - both are easily hot headed.  Not sure why the more I try to be patient and peaceful the more I get easily irrritated and angry.

Just this morning we had some arguments over the hotel online booking system. It is a small matter and don't know I just can't control my temper.  My mum who is sitting nearby us kept looking at the both of us (she doesn't understand english). 

Well since we have decided to go on a family trip, why not be prepared to be happy and looking forward to the trip rather than keep fuming over the small details ?

That's my character - easily agitated - perhaps is due to my health condition. Then the more I should not get easily agitated and angry and throw temper.  Alright man I mean gal !

Come on cheer up, ok.

Money ?

Well, have been approached recently by a close relative for some loans.  I have lent him monies previously - quite a number of times.  He kept saying he will pay me on a certain date but NEVER.

Always feel difficult to turn him down but today I have turned him down completely.  I told him 'sorry I am unable to help you' though he promised that this is the real last time; his wife is pregnant and he will turn over a new leaf. He knew what he has done in the past was wrong etc. He will work hard and return me the monies he borrowed.

But I don't really believe in what he said.  He always made empty promises and has not learnt his lessons.  This time round I turned him down flatly.  After a while I felt a bit uneasy thinking what if this time what he said is for real.  He really needs the money to settle some urgent debts.  But why does he involved himself in all these debts in the first place and what exactly are these debts for ?

I would like to help him but I have done so many times in the past and after lending him the monies, I felt myself like a fool falling into his 'traps' (always full of excuses).

Sigh.......he has told lies and made empty promises in the past and now if its really for REAL, no one is going to believe in him.  Quite sad right ?  Just hoping he will find his own way out of this 'crisis' and really learnt a lesson from it; and be more sensible and responsible towards life.  Not sure why he has landed himself in such a plight !

Sigh again. Well I must be firm though I have the capability to help him but is it worthwhile in a sense ?

Not sure........

'Mistakes'

I made a clumsy mistake recently.   Supposed to give a friend some wedding gift.  Happened to chance upon a gift which I thought was very approriate and bought it without second thought.

A week later, felt that the gift should be something better in terms of price and thought of exchanging it for something dearer but again on second thought, felt this gift was good enough.

Until, today, after sending off the gift - regretted that I should have given an 'ang pow' instead.  Not sure why I bought a gift and was the only one who bought the gift to the church wedding this morning.

Hope the new couple do not misunderstand my intention.  Its 'li qing qin yi zhong'.

I really gave them my best blessings.

Still felt that I have done something silly or rather stupid.