Feeling moody

I not sure why I am feelng moody this afternoon.

Its been quite a while since I was being moody.

I thought I could go shopping with a friend after we attended some event this afternoon.

However she said she needs to go home straight after the event.

Fine I said.

Somehow inside my heart I am feeling down and moody.
Maybe because this is the day I have been waiting to go out with her and then go shopping together.
It turned out not the way I wanted - and that's why I am upset with myself with her...

I felt like crying.  I don't know why.  Maybe I have been expecting too much from her.
When I did not get what I wanted and that's why I felt upset, moody and emotional.

Its just a very normal incident and I don't know why I am feeling such.

The last time (many months ago) she wanted to watch a movie with me but I rejected her.
Since then, she never mention anything about watching movie.
This incident has been lingering inside my heart and I thought one of these days I will ask her to go watch movies with me but did not have the chance to ask her yet.

On the way home after the event, she mentioned that she wants to pick up some food stuff for her boss' birthday celebration in two days' time.

She said her boss likes this food stuff so much that she ordered it for him specially.

At that moment I felt so jealoussssssssssssss of her boss.
She really goes all the way out to celebrate her boss' birthday (I was thinking inside my heart).
I felt unhappy (I don't know why) or maybe I just being sensitive.

Its been quite a long time since I acted sensitive to what people said, what they did and the things which happened.

Why she has to celebrate her boss's birthday?  Maybe she just like to do it ?

I never do that to my boss.  Maybe I am lousy. 
I felt bad. 
I started to compare between she and me.  In many ways I have lost to her. 

Why must I compare and made myself feeling miserable, moody and emotional.
Why???

I knew long time ago that 人比人气死人.

Its been 3 hours since I reached home from attending the event and I still feeling moody.

Come on, cheers up.  okay?

Moody time

My so called friend messaged me to say she is very moody and not lunching with me tomorrow.

I asked why ? if she feels like telling me she can tell me.

Then she said whenever she tries to tell me something, I was always busy with other things so she is upset.

Well she has jolly well misunderstood me..I am upset too.  I even had a short cry.

Told her it's unintentional on my part and I am trying my best to treat her nicer since she treats me nicely (even my colleague also observed it).

Later she agreed.

Now that I recalled, about 6 months ago she was very cold towards me too.  We didn't talked for like a week.  After that she told me she was moody and don't feel like talking.

Today, history has repeat itself....SIGH......................

I think she is very sensitive person same like me as I was previously. I did not tell her that.

Along the way and the years I have changed....have turned into a less senstive person.

Unhappy moments

I am moody again today.

I just felt that my mum always side with my bro - her precious son.

What I am pissed off is that he treated her 'so-so' only.

He stopped giving her pocket money many years ago though he said will continue to give at that point of time.  Cannot trust his words.

This is my brother !

She always side with him..anything, everything.

I have seen his 'disgusting acts' a few times but no point to tell the mum.

Why I have to see his disgusting acts....I don't know why he has to do that !

He was a precious boy to my grandpa when he was a baby but somehow they didn't get along well as time gets by.

Like today I knew that my mum cooked lunch because of him but in the end he said he didn't want to eat.

Actually on weekends she can rest and no need to do cooking.

My mum always worried about him - whether he eats or not (come on he's a married man with wife and children - the wife can cook for him).  Not sure why mum still bothers with these things.
Maybe that's mother's love.

I just recalled that since young, my mum always liked my 2 bros better than me.

She had left me alone with my grandpa when she brought my 2 bros for outing when we were children.

Sigh!

Why I always remember the 'unhappy' moments....

'The late Spring'...

My 'BFF' told me last night that one of her male colleagues is interested in her.

She said will give him a chance if he approached her again.

Well didn't expect her to 'fall in love' at this age.  Thought she mentioned previously that she liked to be single.

Love has no limits and people will change every now and then !

So many thoughts came to my mind after she told me about this 'secret'.

I felt like I am a 'loser'.....maybe I should not be thinking this way.  Should feel happy for her.

I should not feel 'lost' to her or whatever. (Its not a competition).

Ya I should not have negative thoughts about myself or her.

No matter she marries or not, life still has to carry on for me.....

I must not regret my decision to be single (actually feeling a bit regretted but its too late now).
That's what I feel.

The wierd thing is that just last week she told me she doesn't like this guy and yesterday she changed her mind......

Just feel that she is 'xi nu wu chang', just like how she treats me all along.

When she is in good mood, she will talk to me. When she is moody, she will ignore me.

Hopefully she don't get the wrong idea about this guy's intentions.

Not sure what this guy sees in her and what she sees in him ??

Let's wait and see the outcome.

Troublesome

Hi
Lately I have been thinking a lot....

Do I have real friends ?  Are they true to me ? or they are only making use of me ?

Come to think of it, I still have a few sincere friends whom we have known each other for more than 20 years.

I have this small group of friends - we always travel together - at least once a year since a few years back. I tell you - there is 1 very troublesome person.

To say it nicely, she is cost-effective. To be crude she is stingy.

She always ask me to do the booking (air ticket, hotel) if we travel free and easy.
Its ok I do not mind to do it though sometimes I grumble behind their back.

I am really sick of this lately.

btw, in the 1st quarter of the year, we have planned to travel to a nearby country.  For this trip one of the kakis has helped to book the air ticket through one of them few months ago.  I helped to book the accomodation more than a month ago.

Today I heard another 'kaki' wanted to join us (last minute). She has bought the air ticket.  I was asked to book an extra bed for her.

Do they know its troublesome to do it.

These people really take things for granted ! Hmm !

Really 'jin cha'.

I really do not know how to go about it.  Thought we could just add in when we checked in the first day.  I decided to do it via the 'middle-man' i.e. the Agent but found out its not so straight forward.

Aiyah, these people really give me so much trouble (I am already overwhelmed with official work since 2 months ago and I have to do all these nitty gritty stuff).

Just my luck to be their so-called friend. ??

What to do (this is the golden word of one of my former colleagues).

I have been telling myself - this probably will be the last DIY trip I go with them.

No more of this nuisance - I have had enough - enough stress - enough work .......

I really regre.....tted joining them for this trip.  Sigh.

Sometimes I just feel that I have acted in a rush - did not consider carefully and thoroughly.

Taking for granted

Sigh...

I was very moody today especially the whole afternoon after lunch time.

My so-called 'friend' was in very good mood today, talking to just anyone she came across in the office.  I felt 'neglected' by her. I was jealous that she talked so much to other people.

Just a week ago, she was very moody and didn't talk much to me.  I felt 'neglected' too.
I thought I have 'stepped on her nerves' and later I realised that it got nothing to do with me.
Just that she was moody and has somehow vented her frustrations on me.

Yea, poor me and I 'suffered it in silent'.

I hardly talked this whole afternoon and did not joined in the conversation when she was talking to my other colleagues.

I was very unhappy with her (don't know why). Maybe I am jealous or sensitive that she was talking a lot to my other colleagues and not me. That's why I feel moody.

I was disappointed with myself, with her and feeling frustrated.

Thinking back, she once thanked me for being her friend.  (Maybe its just for that moment and not forever).  Its just my wishful thinking to think we are 'friends forever'.

Maybe all along I have misunderstand her goodness to me. I don't know.

On the way home after work, I was thinking and thinking about what has happened to me today. After some thoughts, I realised that I have been taking things for granted, eg. thinking that I am a 'good friend' to her and not just a normal friend. 

Always thought we are treating each other as friends but I maybe wrong...

btw, everyone in the office knows she has one best friend (and she mentioned this afternoon that both of them are going out this weekend).  She did not mentioned anything of it to me beforehand.

I have taken her for granted.

I was thinking, perhaps to her, I am just a friend 'in need' and not indeed......Sad :(

How come it takes me so long to realise this !

Well its not too late (at least I realised it).

I always thought we are friends or good friends seeing that we always have lunch together and sometimes she would give me sound advice and I might have taken her for granted as a 'friend' and not a 'colleague'.

I have taken things for granted or rather taken her for granted and that's why what happened today has made me feeling moody and unhappy (thinking that I am always her 'friend').
In short, I was 'miserable'.

Yes, I should not have taken things for granted.

All along, I might have been 自 作 多 情。

From now on, I must learn to 'let go' of all unnecessary emotions and not stick to my stubborn thoughts.

Like someone said 'to live in the present'.

Life is fleeting and I still have so much to read, to learn and to do.

Must make good use of my time and not spent it in feeling moody.

Who cares after all...nobody but myself.

Sigh.

Its not my day today

I went to work as usual.

On the way to office, met a few colleagues who greeted each other - quite a 'touching scene' tough.

Work throughout the morning was uneventful.  Somehow I feel moody. Just want to be alone at lunch break.

I got what I wanted - being alone at lunch break.

Walked to nearby eatery to pack my lunch.  Met a few other colleagues there but only one of them acknowledged me !  Quite a 'sad scene' as compared to this morning.

My mood was a bit stirred by this happening.  Why some people have double standards.
Why??

Back to working in the afternoon - felt a bit bored going through some docs and don't know where to start my project.

My junior still not back from lunch after 2.15pm.  Started to text her and she said 'on the way'.
She appeared 15 mins later. (was pissed off with her for not saying she will be back late from lunch - this is not the first time).  Uuughh.

Just after 5.30pm, quite a number of emails started to 'swim in'.  Replied to some of it.

A few emails was from my boss and one of it was the project he passed to me - he wants me to get it done before end July,

Wow feel like quite a tight deadline (and I am feeling stressed out) as I am still hunting for information. 
The colleague who said will pass me the info (since few weeks ago) had not done so.  What a heck!

Left office 15 mins after the official knock-off hour.

While eating dinner (packed dinner) with my mum, she asked if I want to eat the 'lor bak' which she cooked last night meant for breakfast this morning.

I said 'no' since my meal has quite a bit of meat but was feeling 'boiling' inside.

The 'lor bak' was meant as breakfast for my bro to eat with steamed buns (that's what I told my mum to cook one of these days as I am tired of eating rice or noodles during meal times).

She has cooked this dish for my bro and not me!  I am pissed off - fuming away...feeling like throwing my balance food (dinner) away.

Zaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...

Its really not my day today! 

The 'old lady' at home

I find that nowadays I have a lot of complaints about my mum.

Not sure its because she is getting older or me who is also growing older ?

Just cannot meet her eye to eye.

She just cannot understand simple english - I meant simple things.

Sometimes I am tired of explaining things to her - she just didn't get the 'message'.

For example, when we went out and crossing the road, I will tell her to watch out for cars.
(She can be carless at times).  She will answer me 'you don't have to shout' when I didn't shout at her but telling her what to do in a normal tone.

You know what - she always think that the road belongs to her. She can just do anything she wants !

I also realised that till now, she still prefers her 2 other sons than me.

Maybe I am too sensitive.

Well I have treated her nicely - gives her pocket money monthly, buys her nice food sometimes, unlike her favourite son who has stopped giving her pocket money for a long long time.

I also find her having bad habits like wearing the same piece of clothes for 2 days when it already stinks.  She would just aired it at the window for one night and then wear it again 1-2 days later.

Really cannot tahan her at that. Sigh.

Feeling moody

Sigh..don't know why...I am feeling moody this afternoon.

Noticed my colleague disappeared from her desk for more than half an hour...

As  for me, I am busy 'playing' with my computer (I meant reading office emails, replying emails etc).

I felt bored as in everyone in the office has something to do - be it making personal calls, logging to facebook, searching for something they want blah blah blah.

Me think its only me always stuck in front of my pc.

I really don't know...maybe I am getting tired of my work or with my colleagues !

You know what...some people habitually report for work 15-30 mins almost everyday and what - they always leave the office on the dot !

I just felt that I am a 'loser' sometimes - as in loser to those people !

Another thing I am getting tired of lunching with this friend almost daily. 
She treats me nicely but I just feel 'pressurised' sometime.

She is very good in her work and well liked by everyone in the workplace whereas me - a complete opposite of hers !

Come on please do not think negative okay ?

Yes will try my best.

Cheer up man.

Today is the day

Yes! its today.

My so-called friend turned the table over me.  That's it.

Of course I feel ...have had a mixture of feelings and emotions.

I didn't expect her to be so 'ruthless' in her reply to my message I sent her today.

She has somehow indirectly put an end to our so-called 'friendship'.

You know from the beginning I have been asking myself:
Is she 'real' to me or is she just making use of me ?

All this while when we were together, she has been trying and testing my patience every now and then and I have always tolerated her until last friday - the same thing happened again.

I did not reply to her message that day.  I kept quiet.

I really dunno what to say..'ji-cha'.

Until today, I somehow have seen her 'true colours'.

She can be so nice infront of everyone and yet only I, yes only I knew that she has an 'ugly' side of the face.

Will other people believe that she is 'ugly' ?

Sigh...what can I do ?

Of course....

I think it will take a week or so for me to get over this incident.  Yes, I am a very emotional person or rather sometimes 感情用事。

Come on, I have to forget about all the unhappiness between she and me.  Its over.

Keep moving on... life still goes on even without she.

Honestly speaking, I was living quite well until she came and 'disrupted' my life !
That's what I felt.

Yep, this is what has happened to me today !

Good luck next time.

My GF...

Just realised today that my
GF is really very naggy.
For a small matter she can keep harping on it whenever she finds the chance.

Really cannot tahan her today.

Heard her calling her 'enemy' female boss as 'pretty lady'.

Think she has double standards.

Sigh....

Just before lunch she keeps telling me about her work 'problems'. Felt very vex. I don't even have a chance to share my woes.

She is sort of controlling the 'situation'.

Sigh.

Being "made use' of

I am feeling moody today.

Actually it did not started today.  It was a few days back.

My so called friend was not in a good mood.  She told me about what happened at work and I sort of 'sympathize' with her.

She was very unhappy as well as 'depressed'.

The next day, I asked her how things are. She was still 'mulling' over that same matter but I felt that she just overstate the matter.

At end of that day, I whatsapp her to say 'good night'.  She didn't reply me. I knew she read my message.  Maybe she was upset with me also. 

I told myself that I will not say 'good night' to her again though when she was in good mood she will always say 'good night' to me.

Yesterday my another group of friends were asking whether want to go for a short trip in the next 1-2 months.

One of them replied that they sort of have a plan to go to country 'M' for 2 nights and whatsapp to ask who is interested.

Very soon, already 4 of them were interested and 2 of us have not replied. I was half hearted, not sure want to join them or not.

This morning the 5th person replied to say unable to join as have something on.

I then replied to say I am not joining. No one tries to persuade me to go.  Sigh.

They already have 4 paxs - 2 sharing a room - just nice - 2 rooms - 4 paxs.

If I join in, it will be an odd number.

I felt sort of disappointed in this group of friends.  Previously when they go tour, and short of one pax, they will ask me to 'chip in'. Now they have 4 of them to make 2 pairs  and thats it.
Can't even bother to ask me why not joining them.....siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh.

I realised that maybe I am just their 'spare tyre' or rather 'spare kaki'....so sad...:(

Was I being 'made use' of ??  Sounds pathetic right?

Maybe I am just 'too sensitive'.

Anyway I have been thinking of 'withdrawing' from their 'tour group'.

Previously when I joined them for free and easy tour or packaged tour, our so-called 'team leader' will pair me with the most 'lo so' person to share room.  When we went out, the 'team leader' is always in 'a rush' - walking so far ahead of us and will hardly take cab and will always walk to our destinations or take bus/mrt.

I can say that out of the many of us, the 'team leader' is the richest of all !

I just feel that when we go tour, we should just enjoy ourselves - don't bother about money. If we have money to travel, we should also have money to buy nice food there and eat and take cabs as at least 3-4 of us will be sharing the cab fares.

Aiyah, its just as well....at least this time round I can have some 'peaceful' time to me alone.

Happenings in the office

This week has been an eventful week.

Have received some bad feedback from the staff yesterday.  Thought I have been doing my best and worked hard enough and who knows I got to get all these 'nonsense'.

Was quite upset when I heard about the feedback. 

Come to think about it, my documentations has some 'loop-holes'.  Will have to improve on that.

It seems that bad things do come all at one go.

Have encountered another work problem.  Have ordered some stuff for the office last week.  This is to replenish the stock. The staff there said will deliver the stock sometime middle of this week.

Just realised today is the last working day of the week and there is no sight of any delivery.

Called up the company and found out that my order was somehow not registered.  Asked this staff who took my call to help expedite the delivery and somehow the delivery was arranged for this late afternoon. 

This 'out of stock' issue had caused some 'hoo-ha's' and I was almost at a loss on how to handle it.

My colleague had offered to help to talk to the supplier earlier on but I somehow rejected as its my responsibility to solve this issue.

She said I should be firm and trying to tell me how I should handle this kind of situation.  I know that I am just too soft hearted sometimes or maybe most of the times.  I am not as firm as her but I shall improve on this. Of course she is so much vocal than me.

Thank God with the help of the staff of the supplier, things got settled down.

At end of work day, the staff are wishing each other Happy New Year.  My colleague had wished me some nice greetings.  Not only to me, she wished almost all staff she knows.

I do not why when one of the staff was wishing her and they both were exchanging wishes and tapping on each other shoulders - I stood opposite them and keep looking at them.  I should not have done that but somehow I only realised it  until the happenings ended.

The staff whom I also know her did not wish me when walking out of the office but I took the initiatives and wished her instead.

What's wrong with me huh ? I felt like I am a 'goon goon' watching them exchanged wishes.

My this colleague is very friendly to her superiors and almost all the staff in the office. 

Some people thought we are good friends but I myself am not sure about this.  As I have mentioned she is friendly towards anyone in the office.

Sigh I do not think I can be as friendly as her.  I have a 'fierce' look though.

An insensible rude being

I am getting very frustrated at work today and yesterday.

There is this 'crazy lala'  staff  who really made me jumped at my nerves.

She makes fun of me frequently for the past 2 days.  Its okay - I thought she is just playing.

She can really provokes people especially when I was feeling moody yesterday.  Almost yelled at her.

My 'good friend' told me to just ignore her. No need to talk back at her or get provoked by her.

Its not easy for me.  She's really a hard nut to crack and so insensible.

Put aside the seniority at workplace, age wise she is also more junior than me.

Today, I accidentally called her the wrong name (I think I said sorry) (really can't remember as age catching up) and a short while later she threw temper. 

She threw a file on the table.

A colleague asked her why she threw temper and she said because I called her the wrong name.

I reacted (I should not have) and said who is perfect and not made mistake.

'Qi-cha' - not sure what she will come out with tomorrow ?

If she still behaves like this to me, I am going to ask her why ?  Can I ?

Not sure if this is the best plan ?

Not sure why she always does this to me ? I don't think I have done her any wrong ?

I also do not have a good temper - gets agitated easily.

She really made my evening a very bad evening - I can't even talked patiently to my mum !

Almost vents my anger on my poor mum !  All because of this crazy lalaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

Really don't know what's wrong with her ???????????????

Really spoilt my mood and my day today.

Dear Heavenly Father
Please forgive me. 
I should not have thrown temper on my poor mum this evening just because I am in a bad mood caused by my this 'crazy' colleague.
I shouldn't be provoked by her but I was.  I really felt so mad that I can eat her up.
Why must she did this to me ? I almost yelled at her this afternoon.
Please forgive me. Help me to forgive her and love her.
Help her to change to be nicer to me and I to be more patient with her.
Thank you for listening to my prayer.
In Jesus' name I prayed...Amen