Taking for granted

Sigh...

I was very moody today especially the whole afternoon after lunch time.

My so-called 'friend' was in very good mood today, talking to just anyone she came across in the office.  I felt 'neglected' by her. I was jealous that she talked so much to other people.

Just a week ago, she was very moody and didn't talk much to me.  I felt 'neglected' too.
I thought I have 'stepped on her nerves' and later I realised that it got nothing to do with me.
Just that she was moody and has somehow vented her frustrations on me.

Yea, poor me and I 'suffered it in silent'.

I hardly talked this whole afternoon and did not joined in the conversation when she was talking to my other colleagues.

I was very unhappy with her (don't know why). Maybe I am jealous or sensitive that she was talking a lot to my other colleagues and not me. That's why I feel moody.

I was disappointed with myself, with her and feeling frustrated.

Thinking back, she once thanked me for being her friend.  (Maybe its just for that moment and not forever).  Its just my wishful thinking to think we are 'friends forever'.

Maybe all along I have misunderstand her goodness to me. I don't know.

On the way home after work, I was thinking and thinking about what has happened to me today. After some thoughts, I realised that I have been taking things for granted, eg. thinking that I am a 'good friend' to her and not just a normal friend. 

Always thought we are treating each other as friends but I maybe wrong...

btw, everyone in the office knows she has one best friend (and she mentioned this afternoon that both of them are going out this weekend).  She did not mentioned anything of it to me beforehand.

I have taken her for granted.

I was thinking, perhaps to her, I am just a friend 'in need' and not indeed......Sad :(

How come it takes me so long to realise this !

Well its not too late (at least I realised it).

I always thought we are friends or good friends seeing that we always have lunch together and sometimes she would give me sound advice and I might have taken her for granted as a 'friend' and not a 'colleague'.

I have taken things for granted or rather taken her for granted and that's why what happened today has made me feeling moody and unhappy (thinking that I am always her 'friend').
In short, I was 'miserable'.

Yes, I should not have taken things for granted.

All along, I might have been 自 作 多 情。

From now on, I must learn to 'let go' of all unnecessary emotions and not stick to my stubborn thoughts.

Like someone said 'to live in the present'.

Life is fleeting and I still have so much to read, to learn and to do.

Must make good use of my time and not spent it in feeling moody.

Who cares after all...nobody but myself.

Sigh.