Stressed Out

Since 2 weeks ago I have been feeling moody and stressed, mainly due to work.

I will be moving on to a new portfolio soon and I do not know yet what is my job scope.  Didn’t managed to ask my boss till today.

My colleague who is going to take over my current duties also look moody. The environment is very tensed up when the 2 of us are alone.

Currently another colleague is away on leave and both of us are sharing out her workload.

We are feeling tired too as this is additional workload besides our own workload.

I just hoped that when this colleague returned from leave she would appreciate that we were there to relief her duties. (She hasn’t been treating me nice since the beginning but her attitude towards me has improved from last year).

So much things have happened since there will be reshuffling of duties between me and my first colleague.

I can sensed that there were gossipings about my boss and me too within our department.

I just felt that my 1st colleague has many supporters in our office as well as from  her good friends in other departments.

She seldom talked to me unless it’s work concerned and it’s been like this since day 1 :(

I want to thank God for his watching and caring over and for me all these years at work.

Oh yes my boss told me this afternoon to help out my colleagues whenever they need help in the meantime.

Btw I have another colleague whom I find her to be irritating at times.

She is a talkative person but she also seldom talk to me.  She likes to talk to my 1st colleague.

Whenever I step out of my work station and when I return I saw both of them talking and she stopped when I am walking towards my work station.  I am irritated by her such actions. This always happened whenever I return to my work station from toilet or pantry. I feel like asking her if she is talking bad about me when I am not around.

She just won’t talk to her when the 3 of us are at our work stations.  Yes we are sitting near to each other.

I just don’t know what’s wrong with her or she just doesn’t want me to know her conversation.

No point guessing.  Just ignore her like she ignores me.

True colours

Lately there have been some changes in the office.

Noticed that my colleague 1 whom I sort of admired her has started to change her attitude towards me.
She told me off in a “nice” way but I felt quite “sad” that she is starting to show her true colours.

It is due to the fact that there will be some changes in her job and mine starting next year.

Just this morning we were talking about some work. I asked my colleague 2 to send the email but she asked me to send it instead. I then asked colleague 1 to send. She answered that it doesn’t mean she is capable she has to do everything.

I was “shocked” to hear it and do not know how to answer her. I just know that she has changed.

Well all along I have been treating her so nice but now colleague 1 is treating me differently from before.

Siiiigh.....

The other day when she was complaining about the other colleague, I started to sense that she is going to show her true colours.  True enough it happened today again.

I find that she is “too full of herself” now and I was disheartened.

I just hope and pray that everything will be fine for me with the 2 of them for now till Jan next year.

Ya just like S said if really cannot stand the work stress retire early.

For me, it is more of colleagues problems than work stress.

I have shared the incident with F today.

Taking advantage

Lately I have been feeling depressed.
I noticed that my junior staff and me were “drifting apart”.
She is treating me more and more like I am invisible.

These few years she Always like to ‘pick on me’ as though I am her subordinate.

I regretted that all along I have been treating her nicely and she always hurt my pride or rather self esteem. I have been tolerating her attitude problems these few years.

The only reason I can think of her being so rude to me is that I am being too kind.

She just thought that she is the boss or what.  Wow really can’t stand her.

In the very beginning I should not have confirmed her for this job since she was always late for work and taking Long lunch.  Now she has gradually improved and I have given her good appraisal.

She also doesn’t know how to appreciate.  It’s like throwing gold into the “Long Kow”.

All because I am too kind to her and now I really regretted.

My Friend told me dun bother with her but sometimes I retialated in my own ways when she provokes me when I am moody and I regretted my own actions.

I didn’t show good testimony as a Christian.  May I forgive her as God forgives me.

Amen!

Things have changed

Right this was what I thought so…

Ah B ‘said’ me directly in the face yesterday. I was taken aback but hoped that I didn’t show it.

Lately she has changed her style in the office. She talked and laughed carefree. Not sure if she was influenced by the ‘someone’.

I also observed that she and ah A were ‘talking’ secretly using their hand phones.  A few times I felt like telling the ‘someone’ that the 2 of them were good friends behind the scene.  Not sure if she sensed it.

Aiyoh don’t be k poh.  She will not thank you.

I already sensed it previously when ah A always so concerned about ah B and always follow her wherever she goes.

Aiyah mind my own business.

Anyway I have always been kind to these 3 people especially ah B.  Hope she Will always remember.

是。。。要👀开一点哦。。。

Things have changed people have changed and I think I am more or less the same ...sad...

I need to change too...my attitude my perspective my everything if can.

Need to go to bed now.

Yes I am catching up with my old friends tomorrow. Hope we will have a good time :)

Emotional and sensitive

Have been feeling very emotional recently.

Maybe because my oldest Nephew had undergone a major life changing experience. Sympathised with him very much.

His mum must have felt very saddened.

Yes he’s a brave guy. He has accepted the fact and is coping quite well. It’s a relief.

I was quiet in the office.  My staff just leave me along. They chit chat and laughed and seemed to treat me as invisible.  Sigh...

The other thing was that I felt that RC and I have drifted apart since we didn’t get to have lunch fellowship for 2 weeks or more.

Maybe I have been feeling emotional and very sensitive as lately the memories of my unhappy past experiences between my colleagues and me kept ‘floating up’ in my mind. I really felt so down and lonely with those memories fogging my brain.

Come on, let go of all negative thoughts and move on.

Putting all these aside, I am touched that my Long time Friend has encouraged me when I told her of my fears at work.

Yes and there is the ‘N’ ...I spoke to him over the phone lately and found out that he is very gentle and friendly over the phone.  I was ‘touched’ and almost fall in love with him. No wonder someone was attracted to him previously.

Okay, stop day dreaming.  Keep moving on and learn to be thankful and joyful.

No problem is bigger than God.

Yes yes yes !!!

Some disappointments

Early this week I was asking my colleague if I can put her name in my out of office notifications for assistance but she said no.

I was taken aback......felt a bit hurt and disappointed with her answer.

I asked the 'small one' and she gave me the same answer.....felt disappointed again.

Come to think of it, I had always acceded to their requests every now and then...and here they were telling me 'no' straight in my face.....both of them really 'singing in the same tune'.

???

Well, its ok....what goes round will come round (I heard someone said this phrase previously).

I think it will.

Actually I do not need to ask them,  I could be just like my bosses (they don't ask and just go ahead with it)- always put my name in their email notifications where I really may not be of much help ! I just accept it with 'no regrets'.

...........................................................................................................................................

This evening while having dinner with my mum and younger bro; my mum scooped some soup for my bro and asked me to help myself.

Felt a bit awkward or hurt (told myself not to be sensitive or angry - this is not the first time).

There was some mixed feelings when this thing happened but I try not to think so much.
Anyway my mum is already getting on with age and yet she still behaves like this.

When he's hungry she will cook instant noodles for him but when I was hungry I had to cook it myself.

My bro and me are already adults and here my mum is still showing her favouritism.

Good that I am independent ...no need to depend everything on my mum.

Yes, good !

Taken for granted

My so-called friend told me 2 weeks ago that she will have lunch with me after she is back from leave.

I think she forgotten when she returned from leave and didn't say anything to me.

Yesterday she wanted to have lunch with me but I already have a prior appointment.

I suggested the next day and she said will confirm with me again.

Today when I checked with her, she said will lunch with me this coming Friday.  I said OK.

Felt a bit depressed that we were unable to have lunch today.

After some thoughts, felt that she is not sincere enough.....felt like she just said for 'f'un' or rather just

敷衍了事.

I felt 'cheated'..I am looking forward towards the lunch catch-up but......siiiiiigh...

(actually I already trying not to think about this 'fallen' friendship but recently every now and then she will said something to me making my hopes 'high'.  Sometimes I  felt like I am a 'ball' and she just spin me (the ball) around using the tip of her index finger).

This afternoon was frustrated with my pc monitor giving me some 'headaches' again...lately it keeps causing some resolutions problems and I have to keep calling the IT guys.

Its a old monitor and my office or rather the person in charge is not going to change it !

After the problem was solved over the phone, I just don't feel like talking the whole afternoon when my other colleagues were happily talking away.  They did notice that I am moody.

I felt like banging table and chair.  Went to the toilet to 'scream it out'.

Nearing end of the work day, my colleague emailed me to say she will order a new monitor for me.

What ! for a moment it needs 'somebody' approval and another moment anyone can just approve it.

On the way home was thinking about the day's happenings.  I was frustrated not only because of the 'koyat' monitor but also of what my so-called friend had done to me.

All these 'pen-up' emotions and frustrations causing me to feeling moody the whole of the late afternoon.