Feeling moody

I not sure why I am feelng moody this afternoon.

Its been quite a while since I was being moody.

I thought I could go shopping with a friend after we attended some event this afternoon.

However she said she needs to go home straight after the event.

Fine I said.

Somehow inside my heart I am feeling down and moody.
Maybe because this is the day I have been waiting to go out with her and then go shopping together.
It turned out not the way I wanted - and that's why I am upset with myself with her...

I felt like crying.  I don't know why.  Maybe I have been expecting too much from her.
When I did not get what I wanted and that's why I felt upset, moody and emotional.

Its just a very normal incident and I don't know why I am feeling such.

The last time (many months ago) she wanted to watch a movie with me but I rejected her.
Since then, she never mention anything about watching movie.
This incident has been lingering inside my heart and I thought one of these days I will ask her to go watch movies with me but did not have the chance to ask her yet.

On the way home after the event, she mentioned that she wants to pick up some food stuff for her boss' birthday celebration in two days' time.

She said her boss likes this food stuff so much that she ordered it for him specially.

At that moment I felt so jealoussssssssssssss of her boss.
She really goes all the way out to celebrate her boss' birthday (I was thinking inside my heart).
I felt unhappy (I don't know why) or maybe I just being sensitive.

Its been quite a long time since I acted sensitive to what people said, what they did and the things which happened.

Why she has to celebrate her boss's birthday?  Maybe she just like to do it ?

I never do that to my boss.  Maybe I am lousy. 
I felt bad. 
I started to compare between she and me.  In many ways I have lost to her. 

Why must I compare and made myself feeling miserable, moody and emotional.
Why???

I knew long time ago that 人比人气死人.

Its been 3 hours since I reached home from attending the event and I still feeling moody.

Come on, cheers up.  okay?

Moody time

My so called friend messaged me to say she is very moody and not lunching with me tomorrow.

I asked why ? if she feels like telling me she can tell me.

Then she said whenever she tries to tell me something, I was always busy with other things so she is upset.

Well she has jolly well misunderstood me..I am upset too.  I even had a short cry.

Told her it's unintentional on my part and I am trying my best to treat her nicer since she treats me nicely (even my colleague also observed it).

Later she agreed.

Now that I recalled, about 6 months ago she was very cold towards me too.  We didn't talked for like a week.  After that she told me she was moody and don't feel like talking.

Today, history has repeat itself....SIGH......................

I think she is very sensitive person same like me as I was previously. I did not tell her that.

Along the way and the years I have changed....have turned into a less senstive person.

Unhappy moments

I am moody again today.

I just felt that my mum always side with my bro - her precious son.

What I am pissed off is that he treated her 'so-so' only.

He stopped giving her pocket money many years ago though he said will continue to give at that point of time.  Cannot trust his words.

This is my brother !

She always side with him..anything, everything.

I have seen his 'disgusting acts' a few times but no point to tell the mum.

Why I have to see his disgusting acts....I don't know why he has to do that !

He was a precious boy to my grandpa when he was a baby but somehow they didn't get along well as time gets by.

Like today I knew that my mum cooked lunch because of him but in the end he said he didn't want to eat.

Actually on weekends she can rest and no need to do cooking.

My mum always worried about him - whether he eats or not (come on he's a married man with wife and children - the wife can cook for him).  Not sure why mum still bothers with these things.
Maybe that's mother's love.

I just recalled that since young, my mum always liked my 2 bros better than me.

She had left me alone with my grandpa when she brought my 2 bros for outing when we were children.

Sigh!

Why I always remember the 'unhappy' moments....

'The late Spring'...

My 'BFF' told me last night that one of her male colleagues is interested in her.

She said will give him a chance if he approached her again.

Well didn't expect her to 'fall in love' at this age.  Thought she mentioned previously that she liked to be single.

Love has no limits and people will change every now and then !

So many thoughts came to my mind after she told me about this 'secret'.

I felt like I am a 'loser'.....maybe I should not be thinking this way.  Should feel happy for her.

I should not feel 'lost' to her or whatever. (Its not a competition).

Ya I should not have negative thoughts about myself or her.

No matter she marries or not, life still has to carry on for me.....

I must not regret my decision to be single (actually feeling a bit regretted but its too late now).
That's what I feel.

The wierd thing is that just last week she told me she doesn't like this guy and yesterday she changed her mind......

Just feel that she is 'xi nu wu chang', just like how she treats me all along.

When she is in good mood, she will talk to me. When she is moody, she will ignore me.

Hopefully she don't get the wrong idea about this guy's intentions.

Not sure what this guy sees in her and what she sees in him ??

Let's wait and see the outcome.

Troublesome

Hi
Lately I have been thinking a lot....

Do I have real friends ?  Are they true to me ? or they are only making use of me ?

Come to think of it, I still have a few sincere friends whom we have known each other for more than 20 years.

I have this small group of friends - we always travel together - at least once a year since a few years back. I tell you - there is 1 very troublesome person.

To say it nicely, she is cost-effective. To be crude she is stingy.

She always ask me to do the booking (air ticket, hotel) if we travel free and easy.
Its ok I do not mind to do it though sometimes I grumble behind their back.

I am really sick of this lately.

btw, in the 1st quarter of the year, we have planned to travel to a nearby country.  For this trip one of the kakis has helped to book the air ticket through one of them few months ago.  I helped to book the accomodation more than a month ago.

Today I heard another 'kaki' wanted to join us (last minute). She has bought the air ticket.  I was asked to book an extra bed for her.

Do they know its troublesome to do it.

These people really take things for granted ! Hmm !

Really 'jin cha'.

I really do not know how to go about it.  Thought we could just add in when we checked in the first day.  I decided to do it via the 'middle-man' i.e. the Agent but found out its not so straight forward.

Aiyah, these people really give me so much trouble (I am already overwhelmed with official work since 2 months ago and I have to do all these nitty gritty stuff).

Just my luck to be their so-called friend. ??

What to do (this is the golden word of one of my former colleagues).

I have been telling myself - this probably will be the last DIY trip I go with them.

No more of this nuisance - I have had enough - enough stress - enough work .......

I really regre.....tted joining them for this trip.  Sigh.

Sometimes I just feel that I have acted in a rush - did not consider carefully and thoroughly.

Taking for granted

Sigh...

I was very moody today especially the whole afternoon after lunch time.

My so-called 'friend' was in very good mood today, talking to just anyone she came across in the office.  I felt 'neglected' by her. I was jealous that she talked so much to other people.

Just a week ago, she was very moody and didn't talk much to me.  I felt 'neglected' too.
I thought I have 'stepped on her nerves' and later I realised that it got nothing to do with me.
Just that she was moody and has somehow vented her frustrations on me.

Yea, poor me and I 'suffered it in silent'.

I hardly talked this whole afternoon and did not joined in the conversation when she was talking to my other colleagues.

I was very unhappy with her (don't know why). Maybe I am jealous or sensitive that she was talking a lot to my other colleagues and not me. That's why I feel moody.

I was disappointed with myself, with her and feeling frustrated.

Thinking back, she once thanked me for being her friend.  (Maybe its just for that moment and not forever).  Its just my wishful thinking to think we are 'friends forever'.

Maybe all along I have misunderstand her goodness to me. I don't know.

On the way home after work, I was thinking and thinking about what has happened to me today. After some thoughts, I realised that I have been taking things for granted, eg. thinking that I am a 'good friend' to her and not just a normal friend. 

Always thought we are treating each other as friends but I maybe wrong...

btw, everyone in the office knows she has one best friend (and she mentioned this afternoon that both of them are going out this weekend).  She did not mentioned anything of it to me beforehand.

I have taken her for granted.

I was thinking, perhaps to her, I am just a friend 'in need' and not indeed......Sad :(

How come it takes me so long to realise this !

Well its not too late (at least I realised it).

I always thought we are friends or good friends seeing that we always have lunch together and sometimes she would give me sound advice and I might have taken her for granted as a 'friend' and not a 'colleague'.

I have taken things for granted or rather taken her for granted and that's why what happened today has made me feeling moody and unhappy (thinking that I am always her 'friend').
In short, I was 'miserable'.

Yes, I should not have taken things for granted.

All along, I might have been 自 作 多 情。

From now on, I must learn to 'let go' of all unnecessary emotions and not stick to my stubborn thoughts.

Like someone said 'to live in the present'.

Life is fleeting and I still have so much to read, to learn and to do.

Must make good use of my time and not spent it in feeling moody.

Who cares after all...nobody but myself.

Sigh.

Its not my day today

I went to work as usual.

On the way to office, met a few colleagues who greeted each other - quite a 'touching scene' tough.

Work throughout the morning was uneventful.  Somehow I feel moody. Just want to be alone at lunch break.

I got what I wanted - being alone at lunch break.

Walked to nearby eatery to pack my lunch.  Met a few other colleagues there but only one of them acknowledged me !  Quite a 'sad scene' as compared to this morning.

My mood was a bit stirred by this happening.  Why some people have double standards.
Why??

Back to working in the afternoon - felt a bit bored going through some docs and don't know where to start my project.

My junior still not back from lunch after 2.15pm.  Started to text her and she said 'on the way'.
She appeared 15 mins later. (was pissed off with her for not saying she will be back late from lunch - this is not the first time).  Uuughh.

Just after 5.30pm, quite a number of emails started to 'swim in'.  Replied to some of it.

A few emails was from my boss and one of it was the project he passed to me - he wants me to get it done before end July,

Wow feel like quite a tight deadline (and I am feeling stressed out) as I am still hunting for information. 
The colleague who said will pass me the info (since few weeks ago) had not done so.  What a heck!

Left office 15 mins after the official knock-off hour.

While eating dinner (packed dinner) with my mum, she asked if I want to eat the 'lor bak' which she cooked last night meant for breakfast this morning.

I said 'no' since my meal has quite a bit of meat but was feeling 'boiling' inside.

The 'lor bak' was meant as breakfast for my bro to eat with steamed buns (that's what I told my mum to cook one of these days as I am tired of eating rice or noodles during meal times).

She has cooked this dish for my bro and not me!  I am pissed off - fuming away...feeling like throwing my balance food (dinner) away.

Zaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...

Its really not my day today!