Unforgettable

 Felt that my  “BFF” has changed her attitude towards me over these many months, almost a year from our last ‘eventful’ trip together.

She didn’t apologise which I think she would not as she AI MIEN ZI. I know that.

I just pretend nothing happened though my mind is in an “emotional whirlpool”.

I kept thinking or rather that unhappy incident kept flashing in my mind for many months.

I was the innocent party in this incident but she won’t let me explain.

Two weeks ago, she bought me a quick lunch 2 days before my birthday and we didn’t talked much during the lunch. (*)

I did not feel “secured” during the lunch.  

Immediately after we finished the lunch, she rushed back to office while I did some window shopping on my own.

She needed to go back office quickly to set up for some meeting.

(*) Since few years ago, we used to lunch together on a regular weekly basis until on my last year’s birthday lunch, she pointed out to me that she’s always the one talking and most times I just kept quiet.

I think she wanted to say she was talking to “the wall” maybe.

It’s not that I do not want to talk but I am just an introvert not knowing how to express myself.

After that lunch, we stopped going lunch together.

She should have been more understanding towards me.  We have had lunch together for a few years already.

I am upset that she misunderstood me but I kept quiet.

Lately I felt that she is ‘cold’ towards me, just like this afternoon we bumped into each other in the pantry and we just say hello.

Unlike previously she will make small talk.

I can feel that I am emotional towards her though she may have “given up” on me.

It’s because right in the beginning I have put in too much affections into our friendship thinking we would be “forever” friends like what J always thought we were.

I know she can very  绝 one but I am the one still hoping things would get better but chances are very Low.

Sigh...

I must learn to let go.  I have been dragging on for too Long.

To be honest, in the early part of our friendship, she treated me very nice and I was touched.

Ya, I was nice to her too.

I always treated her as a priority, only to find out later on that I am just one of her options.  Sad :(

Somehow along the way over the past few years, things happened. She was unhappy and told me off over some minor matters which I just let her be. I just don’t want to make things worse if I argue.

Only she can talk when she is pissed off...no one else can...maybe her BFF can.

Pissed off

Nowadays I noticed the OL in the house has been getting lazy or forgetful.

She hardly shower and change her clothes (maybe once  a week), only when asked and reminded after a few times.

Sometimes she will reply that she had done do the day before but I was at home and she did not do it.

Not sure if she is forgetful or just plain lazy.

Is it she can't smell herself - to me its so smelly, worse than the salted fish smell :(

Like this morning, I reminded her to shower.  She said later.

Until now, 4 hours later, she is couching on sofa bed watching TV.

She does it everyday.

Really cannot tahan her nowadays.

Feel like asking her to go and stay with her elder son or send her to old age home ! but I can't afford the fees and I do not think my siblings will chip in especially the elder one (her favourite son).

If only long ago, I can pre-emp such things, I wouldn't have bought this flat and stay with her.

Another thing, this OL has lots of junks in the house - she has lots of stuff all locked up in the 4-5 drawers.  Mostly are useless stuff I think.

Really feel very pissed off today.........

Stressed Out

Since 2 weeks ago I have been feeling moody and stressed, mainly due to work.

I will be moving on to a new portfolio soon and I do not know yet what is my job scope.  Didn’t managed to ask my boss till today.

My colleague who is going to take over my current duties also look moody. The environment is very tensed up when the 2 of us are alone.

Currently another colleague is away on leave and both of us are sharing out her workload.

We are feeling tired too as this is additional workload besides our own workload.

I just hoped that when this colleague returned from leave she would appreciate that we were there to relief her duties. (She hasn’t been treating me nice since the beginning but her attitude towards me has improved from last year).

So much things have happened since there will be reshuffling of duties between me and my first colleague.

I can sensed that there were gossipings about my boss and me too within our department.

I just felt that my 1st colleague has many supporters in our office as well as from  her good friends in other departments.

She seldom talked to me unless it’s work concerned and it’s been like this since day 1 :(

I want to thank God for his watching and caring over and for me all these years at work.

Oh yes my boss told me this afternoon to help out my colleagues whenever they need help in the meantime.

Btw I have another colleague whom I find her to be irritating at times.

She is a talkative person but she also seldom talk to me.  She likes to talk to my 1st colleague.

Whenever I step out of my work station and when I return I saw both of them talking and she stopped when I am walking towards my work station.  I am irritated by her such actions. This always happened whenever I return to my work station from toilet or pantry. I feel like asking her if she is talking bad about me when I am not around.

She just won’t talk to her when the 3 of us are at our work stations.  Yes we are sitting near to each other.

I just don’t know what’s wrong with her or she just doesn’t want me to know her conversation.

No point guessing.  Just ignore her like she ignores me.

True colours

Lately there have been some changes in the office.

Noticed that my colleague 1 whom I sort of admired her has started to change her attitude towards me.
She told me off in a “nice” way but I felt quite “sad” that she is starting to show her true colours.

It is due to the fact that there will be some changes in her job and mine starting next year.

Just this morning we were talking about some work. I asked my colleague 2 to send the email but she asked me to send it instead. I then asked colleague 1 to send. She answered that it doesn’t mean she is capable she has to do everything.

I was “shocked” to hear it and do not know how to answer her. I just know that she has changed.

Well all along I have been treating her so nice but now colleague 1 is treating me differently from before.

Siiiigh.....

The other day when she was complaining about the other colleague, I started to sense that she is going to show her true colours.  True enough it happened today again.

I find that she is “too full of herself” now and I was disheartened.

I just hope and pray that everything will be fine for me with the 2 of them for now till Jan next year.

Ya just like S said if really cannot stand the work stress retire early.

For me, it is more of colleagues problems than work stress.

I have shared the incident with F today.

Taking advantage

Lately I have been feeling depressed.
I noticed that my junior staff and me were “drifting apart”.
She is treating me more and more like I am invisible.

These few years she Always like to ‘pick on me’ as though I am her subordinate.

I regretted that all along I have been treating her nicely and she always hurt my pride or rather self esteem. I have been tolerating her attitude problems these few years.

The only reason I can think of her being so rude to me is that I am being too kind.

She just thought that she is the boss or what.  Wow really can’t stand her.

In the very beginning I should not have confirmed her for this job since she was always late for work and taking Long lunch.  Now she has gradually improved and I have given her good appraisal.

She also doesn’t know how to appreciate.  It’s like throwing gold into the “Long Kow”.

All because I am too kind to her and now I really regretted.

My Friend told me dun bother with her but sometimes I retialated in my own ways when she provokes me when I am moody and I regretted my own actions.

I didn’t show good testimony as a Christian.  May I forgive her as God forgives me.

Amen!

Things have changed

Right this was what I thought so…

Ah B ‘said’ me directly in the face yesterday. I was taken aback but hoped that I didn’t show it.

Lately she has changed her style in the office. She talked and laughed carefree. Not sure if she was influenced by the ‘someone’.

I also observed that she and ah A were ‘talking’ secretly using their hand phones.  A few times I felt like telling the ‘someone’ that the 2 of them were good friends behind the scene.  Not sure if she sensed it.

Aiyoh don’t be k poh.  She will not thank you.

I already sensed it previously when ah A always so concerned about ah B and always follow her wherever she goes.

Aiyah mind my own business.

Anyway I have always been kind to these 3 people especially ah B.  Hope she Will always remember.

是。。。要👀开一点哦。。。

Things have changed people have changed and I think I am more or less the same ...sad...

I need to change too...my attitude my perspective my everything if can.

Need to go to bed now.

Yes I am catching up with my old friends tomorrow. Hope we will have a good time :)

Emotional and sensitive

Have been feeling very emotional recently.

Maybe because my oldest Nephew had undergone a major life changing experience. Sympathised with him very much.

His mum must have felt very saddened.

Yes he’s a brave guy. He has accepted the fact and is coping quite well. It’s a relief.

I was quiet in the office.  My staff just leave me along. They chit chat and laughed and seemed to treat me as invisible.  Sigh...

The other thing was that I felt that RC and I have drifted apart since we didn’t get to have lunch fellowship for 2 weeks or more.

Maybe I have been feeling emotional and very sensitive as lately the memories of my unhappy past experiences between my colleagues and me kept ‘floating up’ in my mind. I really felt so down and lonely with those memories fogging my brain.

Come on, let go of all negative thoughts and move on.

Putting all these aside, I am touched that my Long time Friend has encouraged me when I told her of my fears at work.

Yes and there is the ‘N’ ...I spoke to him over the phone lately and found out that he is very gentle and friendly over the phone.  I was ‘touched’ and almost fall in love with him. No wonder someone was attracted to him previously.

Okay, stop day dreaming.  Keep moving on and learn to be thankful and joyful.

No problem is bigger than God.

Yes yes yes !!!