If time can be turned back

If - time can be turned back - I would do better than I did now....

I would have talked more to my family members, understand their needs and treated them nicer; and not to have so much regrets now for the things which I didn't do for them when they were around.

Its only after they are gone, that I realised that I have not treated them nicer when they were alive.

Perhaps at that time I was younger.  I was not sensible enough.  I was not matured then.  Did not see the big picture.

There were misunderstandings in between too.

If I had read more books then, have more friends then, things may turn out differently...and I will not have soooo much regrets !

When I see couples holding hands, holding their kids, kids kissing their parents - I really envied them - wished I am the one in the picture !

Wished I had gotten married and not staying single.

Maybe I was too choosy back then thinking I may get a better deal if I missed this one.

Maybe I really didn't get to meet the one I should.

If not, I would have kids, maybe big kids now and living a happily married life. Even if I ended up in divorce, at least I had gotten married, had honey-mooned, had sex, had baby and all other things which couples do together....

Should also have learnt driving, cycling and swimming when I was younger.

Well its still not late to learn driving, cycling and swimming now if I really wanted to.

Should also have job hopped when I was younger then and not stayed on one job for sooooo long.

I should have pursued my dream job when I first started out, but somehow due to no confidence, I gave up.

Well, most of the things whether I liked it or not, its being done. There is no turning back now..too late..

Sad to say but that's it. Why so much regrets ? 

That's my life.....

Grumpy, disappointed..

Think age is catching up.

Have been very grumpy lately.

Grumbled about my mother, my brother and so forth.

Sigh.......................................

Some of my friends thought I am a nice person...yeah I look like one but in actual fact, I am not.

Disappointed ?

Come to think of it - I am a selfish person !

Yes, I am quite generous towards my family - they want money from me, I give; they borrow money from me, I give, they did not return me the money - I never or hardly ask them for it.

Yet, sometimes they would tell others that I am stingy !

Of course, I am unhappy when I heard this !

If, if I am stingy - I would not have lend them the money or rather give them the money they need.

I think I am the only one in the family who have lent money to a few of my siblings.

They thought I am rich just because I am single.

I also need to survive - need to work need to eat need to pay rental, pay phone bills, need to buy things for myself and have to support my mother who stays with me !

Only now, after so many years, that I realised being nice or generous does not pay at all.

These people always take things for GRANTED.