Some thoughts...

I am not sure if the OL is really old or that's her character.

I just found out something this morning - to be honest its not only this morning that I realised this 'something' but I just 'de guo chei guo'. This morning she went to buy breakfast for her fave son and when she's back, I was walking towards the living hall and she immediately said she forgot to buy breakfast for me.  What a joke - its so ironical ! She knew I am at home this morning !
Anyway, I would not say anything if she just buys for him alone when I am only 'transparent' in her eyes.

Come on, this is not the first time she has treated me this way.

She is always like that - full of excuses (very 'lung' excuses) when she thought I would say something upon seeing her doing such things or when certain things happened.

Its okay lah.  NO big deal.  I am 'old' enough to take care of myself.  I have to take care of my own self.

Come to think of it, I have done so much for this family and this is the 'treatment' I received esp. from the OL.

I think I am not angry but just felt that I have been treating her too good all this while or rather all these years.  I cared for her, give her money, give her a 'roof over her head' and this is how she has treated me. She took it for granted and I took it as 'a must'.

To think that I am always the last in queue amongst her children.

From now on, I will take good care of myself - I must be firm, be steady, be brave, be healthy, be happy, and be what I should be.

Facing the dilemmas

Sigh, I am in facing the dilemmas..

My so-called close friend has been trying to help me finding solutions to my 'knotty' problems.  These solutions really caused me some 'headaches' and diving me into 'dilemmas'.  I do not wish to use her solutions (thought its too big a problem for me; in a way too 'hard' for me to do so).

I know I am the 'soft-hearted' person and just can't bring myself to do such things though its the very right thing to do .................but I just cannot bring myself to even say it out, I mean to tell the persons involved.  Am I too timid or what ? Scare ?.  Actually I am feeling bad even before I tell them about my solutions or rather throw back these 'knotty problems' at them.  Its a real 'sticky' knotty' problem. Somewhat feeling 'uneasy' to do so.....

Its very ironical:  in a way I have wanted to solve these 'knotty' problems and now my close friend (CF) has found the solutions for me and I am wishy-washy.

Ya, I am too undecisive when it comes to 'big circumstances'.

Other people can be mean to me; can treat me like 'transparent'; taking advantage of my 'meekness' and I didn't even breathe a word about it.  Come to think of it, am I naive ? or trying to act blur ? or I am just being too kind.

No matter how, I just wish that things would improve and turn out better for us - be it myself or the other party.  After all we areclose  relatives - I do not wish to be so 'ruthless' though to other people its getting my rights correct.

Now my worries is that my CF would be furious to know that I just leave things as it is. I do not know how to face my CF though I am thankful to her for trying to help me solve the problems.