That's my life

Of late, I have been rather easily agitated, feeling frustrated and hot-temper.  Maybe its due to work stress - have been very busy over the past 2-3 months.  Maybe its due to family problems - not my direct problems though but I still feel stressed up and frustrated.

Sigh............

Like today and yesterday, because of something which my nieces have said and done and I don't like their kind of attitudes; I told them off.  I have said a lot of unpleasant things (they may not understand what I said because indirectly I am scolding their parents).  Veri bad of me, right ?
I can't believe myself - have told myself that I will not vent my anger on the wrong person but I still did.

Really regretted what I have done and said especially to my niece yesterday. Really. I have told myself before that I will not scream or shout at the children again but I did.  Why can't I be loving and gentle towards my family members - towards my nieces - afterall they are still young - they will not understand my feelings, my concerns for them (expressed in the negative way). 

Ya, must start to learn to be patient and loving towards them though they are naughty and playful at times.  Not only towards them but to extend it to all my other family members as well.

Well, sometimes I was thinking - maybe I should resign from my current job - then I will have less problems less stress.  But then again its not easy to find a 'good' job nowadays and the pay may not be as much as what I am having now since I have worked in this job for many years.
Just have to bear with it and it will pass.  Anyway I cannot afford to be jobless else no one is going to support me.  Maybe I should take 1-2 months leave to go on Sabbath.  

Again, I have a few health problems to be solved.  I think these are mostly due to STRESS just like what teacher B always say.

Yes, life is short - must take it one at a time - most important I should worry less and if possible not to worry as we do not know what will happen tomorrow - only God knows. Just take care of the things today will do. Must learn to relax when I supposed to relax (just like my colleagues - they are always making small talks, enjoying themselves away at work - like having no work to do).  You know I am jealous of them at times. 

Ok - tomorrow will be better ! YES ! Be happy, be loving, be gentle, be generous. ....and there's much more.

Dinner

Tonight we went out for family dinner.  Agreed to share cost between the 3 of us.

Have been calculative over a few dollars - I mean ME.  Don't understand why I did that infront of so many people. (I could have just forget about the few bucks). This is the first time I am so persistent over a few dollars just to be fair to everyone.  Why always let my bro keep the change 'so naturally'? He has done that before.  Maybe I just want to get 'revenge'.  Or maybe I am stressed up due to heavy workload today.

Well, well........its just a small matter afterall.  Why take it to heart.  Since I have done it I shouldn't have any regrets, right ?

Hmm just be natural ok ? and things will go on as normal.  Just treat what has happened a new experience.

Sigh, I have been overwhelmed with work today that I lost my 'cool' in office - banging the drawer, throw the keys into the box etc. Felt like a 'crazy woman' this morning.  After all these happenings, felt so embarassed - such a mature person and yet I behave like that.  No matter how I should not have lost my temper infront of my other colleagues.  What a shame. I haven't been a good witness for the Lord.  Felt so sorrie for Him and myself..........Yea I am not angry with my helper for taking mc but just feeling frustrated with the work and myself ! Not sure other people will get the wrong idea.
Anyway who cares ! Yes, that should be the way (I mean the phrase 'anyway who cares').

Be of good cheer - ME.